Marriage is difficult enough. Add children to the mix, and PRESTO..it gets ugly. Many parents give so much dedication to work and children that they forget about themselves and their relationships. There are things that you can do to improve your relationship without neglecting your children.
- Have a date night 1-4 times per month away from the children. When I say “away” from the children, I also mean do not talk about them on your date.
- Get a life!!! Have your own alone time away from everyone in your family. Many people believe that 1 +1=1 in a relationship. This is not so. You are still an individual within your family unit and need time to foster your own individuality. Get out of the house. This could be for an hour, a day or a weekend here or there. Make a plan for when each of you will have time away from the family and alternate times alone.
- Have daily check-ins. Ask your partner: “On a scale of 1-10, how connected do you feel to me today? How can we improve that score?”
- Do not argue about the children in front of the children. This is an automatic relationship no-no. This will cause a “good parent” and “bad parent” mentality in your children and will cause resentment in at least one of the parents.
- Do not veto the other parent’s decision (unless it is for safety reasons). This will also cause the “good parent” and “bad parent” mentality in your children and will hurt your relationship more than it will “feel good” to be the nice parent.
If you are looking for an individual therapist or couples therapist in Long Beach, please give me a call to ask me a question or to set up an appointment.