Coming Out Later In Life Represents Complex Personal Struggle

Coming out is difficult regardless of life stage.  But for those LGBT people who choose to come out later in life, new challenges abound.  Some men and women are fully inserted into lives that include children and spouses.  Others face possible difficulties within their personal relationships, families, and careers as a result.  Yet still, some people may be faced with years of psychological damage from denying this essential truth.  Even for LGBT people who go through the coming out experience relatively unscathed, it can still be an emotionally complex experience to endure.

There are plenty of examples of everyday people and celebrities alike who have chosen to come out later in life.  Meredith Baxter, famously known for her iconic role on Family Ties, was married to men three times before going public about her sexuality.  She now identifies as a lesbian and has been married to wife Nancy Locke since 2013.

In 2009, CNN detailed the personal coming out story of iReport user Howard Selekman.  He revealed that he’d known he was attracted to men from the age of 8 onward.  However, he felt that traditional love would help him overcome his homosexual urges.  He was wrong.  At 61, he came out to his brothers.

For many gay people, sexuality is fully realized in adolescence.  But due to many reasons, including societal expectations, they keep their truth to themselves. By the time they’re ready to come out, they’re involved in families that they’ve created.  The fear and stress of change is often enough to discourage people from going forward.  This accounts for the large number of people who come out after the age of 50.

Yet still, coming out later in life can even include millennials.  In a March article, Attn shared advice from 10 millennials who’d all come out after the age of 25.  Among the most common words of wisdom were to stop waiting.  They all acknowledged how difficult it was to reach that point, but they all also expressed relief after doing so.  Another common thread that many of those interviewed shared was the overwhelming support they received.

For those people who are contemplating coming out later in life, whether you’re 30 or 60, it’s important to find support.  There are legions of support groups for people who need help sharing their feelings and anxieties or who simply need advice with the wording.  These support groups also help you accept yourself and realize that you’re so much more than your sexuality.

It’s also important to educate yourself.  Learn about what it means to come out and learn how it can positively affect your life. Also, find other people who’ve come out later in life. Ask them about their experiences and learn from both their mistakes and successes.

So many gay people live an emotionally taxing and difficult life in the closet.  It’s never too late to free yourself of those limitations and live life the way you were meant to.

If you are looking for a gay friendly therapist in Long Beach, or Transgender friendly therapist in Long Beach, please call to set up an appointment.  Please remember that if you are not in driving distance from my office, that I do provide Skype and facetime sessions.  It is sometimes difficult to find a gay friendly therapist, so I try to accommodate my clients by providing tele-therapy (meaning skype, facetime, etc).