How To Be A Better Parent. Tips From a Child Therapist in Long Beach.

As parents, we all want to be able to give our kids a better life than we had as little ones. This is especially true if you had a troubled childhood that involved having parents who were perhaps not particularly caring or attentive. Children only fully thrive when they are in a stable, loving environment, and it’s that which should be the goal of every person who decides to start a family. Despite your best efforts, though, there may be times when the past comes back to haunt you a little, and that can be tough to snap out of.

You can tell yourself over and over again that you are not going to end up being like your parents, but over time, we all adopt a few of their traits, good and bad. The reality is that the only real access you have had to parenting skills is what you got from your own mother and father. Even when you think you have rid yourself of all the bad habits they had as parents, you can bet that one or two will still find a way to sneak into your own method of parenting. It may start off subtly at first, but it can become a problem if left unattended.

There are also the parenting methods of your spouse to consider. They may have had a great upbringing alongside loving, caring parents, and they may feel that your style does not complement theirs when it comes to raising the kids. If you and your partner are constantly at odds as to how to deal with the children on a daily basis, then that can lead to a strain in your relationship. That level of stress can affect your relationships with everyone around you, including your kids.

The goal of the parents should be try to find some form of middle ground when it comes to raising children together. The biggest sticking point for many couples is with the punishment of the children. People raised in a loving environment will be more likely to talk things out or use time outs when dealing with unruly kids, while those raised in an unhappy environment may resort to yelling, screaming, and threatening the children with violence. Those who fall into the latter category generally know that it’s wrong, but they feel powerless to prevent themselves from going there.

If these types of situations are happening, try setting up an appointment with a professional therapist. A few good counselling sessions can help you discover parenting methods that are far more positive than what you are employing right now. It’s always a good idea to have your spouse along for these types of sessions, as it helps everyone get on the same page moving forward. They may also develop a better understanding of why you do what you do. It can be tough to break years of habitual behavior drilled into you by your parents, but it can be done with a little professional help.

**Please be aware that I did not address spanking in this blog post.  Although I encourage parents to use alternate methods of discipline (such as time-outs), when done appropriately, spanking is not illegal and is your right as a parent.  As a therapist, I respect parents who discipline their children legally and out of love.