For the most part, I use “CBT” (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) with my clients. Although there are some issues that CBT doesn’t work for and I use other types of therapy, it is the one I tend to use most. CBT is all about how our thoughts make our reality. Here is how it works.
People can influence us in all sorts of ways but ultimately, we decide if we will let other people’s actions influence our feelings. If someone cuts you off on the freeway, you can choose whether you ruminate on it and allow it to ruin your entire day or you can choose whether to let that energy go and choose to have a great rest of your day. In therapy, I teach my clients how to look at all different angles/perspectives to see one particular incident. From there, we weigh the pros and cons to each viewpoint and make a conscious decision as to how we view things which ultimately determines how we feel.
Think of it this way. You are sitting and having a great conversation. The television is on and you can choose if you pay attention to what is happening on the television or you can pay attention to what’s happening in your world. What’s happening on television (like sports or the news) is actually happening live somewhere and other people in the world might be very interested in the outcome of the game or newscast, but you can allow it to interact with your world or not. You can choose to tune it out and pay attention to your conversation. Use the same philosophy when it comes to people who make you upset, frustrated or any other negative feeling. While they are yelling at you or mad dogging you, you can choose whether to let their energy in or not. You can choose to feel guilty or not. You can choose to think “that’s their world and they are trying to figure out their own stuff and that has nothing to do with me”. People who have this “energy bubble” around them tend to be happier and more positive people. This is my goal. To help you achieve your own happiness and manage what energy you allow in your world and what energy you keep at a distance. This doesn’t necessarily mean getting a divorce or cutting out those people, it just means that you choose what to let in. You can listen, be there and reflect upon another person’s feelings without taking on that energy. If you would like to talk more about how to accomplish this in your life, please call me or email me to set up an appointment.
Please check out my other blog on this same topic: Self-Esteem Problems? A Path To Self-Discovery