My spouse is too busy for me. Tips from a marriage counselor in Long Beach

My spouse is too busy for me / I can’t seem to get my partners attention, what can I do?

The world that we live in today is incredibly fast-paced and demanding, to the point where it seems like free time is increasingly more difficult to come by. While most of us feel the need to stay busy, we can end up getting too caught up in work and other distractions, which can often mean that relationships start to suffer. If you have a spouse or partner who always seems to have time for other things, but none for you, then you have a problem. If left unattended, this issue will grow to the point where you end up resenting the one person that you love the most.

The problem here is that most people don’t recognize the signs until they have reached something of a critical mass. Chances are, the spouse who you feel is ignoring you is as oblivious to what is going on as you were. It is altogether too easy to get caught up in all the other important things in life, assuming that the relationship will always be there and on a steady, solid foundation. The fact of the matter is that we all need attention on some sort of level, and when we don’t get it, hurt feelings can lead to anger.

The only way you can affect change in this situation is to make your feelings known to your partner. Set aside some time where you can talk without any type of distraction, and let them know what it is you are feeling. If they agree that there is indeed a disconnect, then you both need to figure out a way to make the relationship one of the most important things in your life again. That means prioritizing everything in your life to see where the relationship fits. It may have unknowingly slipped down the chain of importance, so think of ways to get it back to where you both want it to be.

Oftentimes, it means looking at your schedules and finding a way to make time for one another. Are you in a financial position where those extra work hours are really necessary? Can the weekly golf game with friends become a bi-weekly event? Is there a particular day of the week or month that you don’t have a lot going on that can then be reserved for a date night? Set your phone on “do not disturb” certain hours of the day (or simply turn it off) so that you have your full attention on the people you love.  The goal here is to come up with a solution that allows you to connect again, but in a way that doesn’t make it feel as though one of you is missing out on something that is important.

If you are having a problem figuring out how to get the connection back, or have a spouse or partner that does not believe there is an issue, then it may be time to seek some help from a professional couple’s therapist.

If you are looking for an individual therapist or couples therapist in Long Beach, Lakewood or the surrounding areas, please give me a call to ask me a question or to set up an appointment.