Why therapy is cheaper than divorce…should I get a divorce?

We live in a world where the value of money seems more important than the value of relationships to a growing number of people. Divorce rates are on the rise, yet it would appear that the number of couples who seek help from a marriage counselor is not rising at the same rate. For many, the idea of a quick divorce is more suitable than the perceived expense of talking to a professional therapist. If you really want to place a value on things, then you should probably know that the best bang for your buck comes from taking the time to talk to a therapist.

I’m sure that there are some of you out there who are scoffing at that idea, but the question you have to ask yourself is if you have really taken a look at the bigger picture. Yes, you can get a quickie divorce for a relatively small amount of money, but that is assuming that you and your soon to be ex-spouse are happy with the division of assets and terms of the divorce. That is very seldom the case, and what you generally end up with is a back and forth squabble where your assets begin to deplete as the pockets of your lawyers get lined. Additionally, if there are kids involved, many people will spend every last dime to make sure their custody plan is the one chosen by the judge.

You might well already believe that your marriage is a lost cause, but that is no reason to simply skip the counselling process. While lawyers often fail to help you find common ground, a therapist has no dog in the fight, and will do all that they can to get you and your spouse on the same page. You have to remember that a lawyer only gets the real money if you choose divorce. Your marriage may still end up heading to the divorce courts, but if you attempt therapy, you can learn how to express your feelings and interact in a way that can quite possibly help you get back together, split up civilly, or can help you to be more successful in your future relationships. That is a lesson learned that will provide value for many years to come.

It can be altogether too easy to forget how to communicate when the last few months or years of your life have been spent either yelling at or shutting out your spouse. When you do something that long, it can become a habit. It is only when you truly listen that you get to the heart of what the problems are in your marriage. What you perceived to be the issue may not be the problem at all. Having that light turned on leads many couples to find a way back together again, or at the very least makes it easier for them to quickly and calmly come up with a divorce settlement that suits them both.

The one thing that often gets forgotten during a divorce is the effect that it has on the children. Couples become so consumed with what is best for themselves that the needs of their children end up getting cast aside. The little ones want to know that everything is going to be okay, and that you have tried everything to make things work. That is something that you can do when you have taken the time to talk to a therapist.  One question to ask yourself is: When your child asks you why you got a divorce, can you look them in the eye and honestly say “I really tried the best that I could to make this work”.  If the answer is “yes”, then divorce might very well be the right answer.