5 Ways To Regain Trust After Having An Affair. Tips From A Relationship Therapist In Long Beach
Rebuilding the trust after you’ve cheated on your other half is one of the hardest things that can be done. It is hard, but not impossible. You have to really understand your mistake and accept the consequences of what comes out of it if you are going to have any success in winning back the trust you’ve betrayed. Even if you had the affair because you weren’t getting your needs met, after asking your partner multiple times; the act of having an affair needs to be addressed before your needs can be addressed at this point.
Of course, the first thing you must do is end the affair… if you haven’t already! And, you need to realize that the relationship you once had with your spouse or girl/boyfriend has changed… in significant ways. You may have never wanted to hurt them and you may even still love them. However, making them see you as they did before the affair is something you’re going to need to work on.
You can repair the relationship but it’s going to take time.
What Is Trust? How Can It Be Rebuilt
Trust is actually the belief that you feel safe with the person you’re with. And, that trust is broken when a person has an affair. In order to rebuild trust, both parties have to be willing to accept that it’s going to take patience and time. They must be willing to face the fact that the affair happened. If ignored, the anger and hurt will only fester and eventually rear its ugly head.
If you’re the one who cheated on your partner, you need to repeatedly prove to them that you’re deeply sorry for the hurt you’ve caused and show them that you are willing and wanting to take the necessary steps to earn back their trust. How can you do this?
The most important thing is to be dependable, responsive and consistent, even if they are upset, yelling at you or not “getting over it” as soon as you think they should.
• Be Dependable
If you tell your spouse you’ll call or be home at a certain time, make sure to do it. At this moment, you need to be an open book – ready to be read!
• Allow Them To Express Themselves
When you’ve hurt your significant other, allow them to rage or cry. They may even ask you why among other questions. You need to sit back and stay strong because they’re liable to vent at you. Continue to apologize. It’s really the best thing you can do.
• Take Responsibility For Your Mistakes
If you want a second chance for your partner, you need to understand why you cheated in the first place. Then, from there, you can take the actions you need to ensure it never happens again. Often, individual therapy (for yourself) can be helpful in this process. It also gives you a place to vent about your frustrations because at this point, your partner is not going to be able to handle any of your feelings.
• Make Promises You Intend To Keep
When you make a promise, be sure you keep it. Whatever the promise is, even if it’s a little promise, you must keep it. Don’t make excuses. If you said you were going to run to the grocery store, DO IT. Don’t tell lies. It doesn’t matter what’s going on or if you think it would be easier than the truth. If you’re going to do something and tell them you’ll do it, you must follow through and you must also be honest.
• Show Them Appreciation, Affection and Attention
You must demonstrate to your other half that you are truly serious about them and only them. Do this by showing them love in big and small ways… every single day. Try my 30 day challenge if you need ideas. Even if they aren’t giving you anything in return, make the effort. They need to see that you are SO in it that you are willing to make effort even if they are being unreasonable or unfair. They need to know that you will stick it out during the worst moments. They aren’t going to feel the need to do anything just yet because in their mind, everything was great until you messed it up. They are not at the point to see that there were problems that led to your actions.
An affair will change a relationship – sometimes it can kill the relationship entirely, especially if the couple is not willing to put forth the effort. In other instances, it can bring a couple closer together. It can lead to a happier, more fulfilling relationship because it points out the flaws in the relationship and forces the couple to build a stronger foundation. The couple just needs to be committed in order to have a stronger, more solid bond.
If you are looking for an individual therapist in Long Beach to work on being patient while your partner learns to trust again, or if you are interested in couples therapy in Long Beach, please give me a call to ask me a question or to set up an appointment.