How to Maintain the Honeymoon Period in Your Relationship. Tips From a Couples Therapist in Long Beach
When you take time to think about it, a relationship is a lot like a fire. When it’s first ignited, it burns with an intensity that everyone can feel. That level of heat is hard to be around for a long time, which is why you let the fire taper off a little and burn at a lower level. The warmth you feel then is cozy and comfortable, and you start to think that this level is much more manageable than the red-hot flames. When you get comfortable, you can start to forget about the heat altogether, until you reach a point where the fire has gone out, and you realize that it takes too much effort to rekindle it.
When talking about relationships, you will often hear people talk about the honeymoon period. This is when the fire burns at its brightest and hottest, and when you are around people in that part of their relationship, the heat is tangible. It certainly makes you very aware of the state of your own fire, and may even get you to think about what you can do to fan the flames so that you can get back to, and stay in, the honeymoon period.
Although it isn’t really possible to stay in the honeymoon period for your entire relationship, it is possible to stay at the “cozy fire” period, which lends itself to the occasional honeymoon rekindling when you take vacations or increase your effort to the level you made when you are in the honeymoon period. As I mentioned earlier, it’s not comfortable to stay in front of a flaming hot fire for too long.
It sounds very simple, but it takes constant motivation and effort, which isn’t always as easy as it was at the beginning of the relationship when you don’t have resentments towards your partner, your energy is fresh, and you are excited to give relationship updates to your friends. Energy seems to run rampant when you are trying to “woo” your partner into a relationship with you.
To maintain the flame, it’s really just a matter of getting back to the basics. We become so comfortable in the manageable warmth that when it dies down, we forget the steps we took to ignite the fire in the first place. These are not complicated, and it all begins by once again noticing the person who stays with you in that warmth. Take time to look at your partner without looking at your phone to let your partner know how much they mean to you, and regularly acknowledge their presence through touch and thoughtful actions. Think about the things you would have done when you were first dating them, and start doing those behaviors again with as much effort as you did them at the beginning of your relationship.
If you want to get into the honeymoon phase (even from time to time), bring spontaneity back into the relationship. Don’t just wait for the weekend to go out and have a little fun. Mix things up a little in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom. Talk about fantasies that you have (in life and in the bedroom), or things that you have wanted to try, but were afraid to bring up. Go onto groupon and/or living social (those type of sites) to get ideas of what to do that is new and exciting. You don’t even have to buy the groupon, but it will give you ideas on what kinds of new things to try out. If you think back, you probably were willing to try new things at the beginning of your relationship compared to now when you are more set in your ways. Remember the excitement that comes from trying new things? This is not just about the physicality of sex, it’s also about establishing and maintaining a high level of effort and trust.
More than anything, understand that a relationship is at its very best when you really look forward to spending time together. Do everything that you can to have fun, and laugh together as often as you can. Be silly and be willing to look stupid around each other. Yes, relationships bring stress in the forms of family, finances, work schedules, and more, but understand that while these are all important, they pale in significance to the strength of your relationship. Focus on building the strength in your relationship, and everything else will seem that much smaller. These are the ways that your relationship can feel like it is in the honeymoon period forever. Because even though the flame isn’t as bright as when you first met, it’s a deeper and longer lasting flame that means more than the initial effort you might have first made.