Can My Relationship Recover From An Affair? Tips From A Relationship Therapist In Long Beach
A question I get all the time from people is: “How many relationships recover from an affair?”
This is a very complicated question because there are so many factors that go into a relationship that is trying to recover from an affair. In general, if the person who cheated is willing to be completely honest AND the person who was cheated on feels that there is forgiveness possible in their heart, then it is definitely possible. The important factors to explore in therapy are: why did the affair happen (for example: did the person view that there was something in the relationship they weren’t getting that they couldn’t/wouldn’t ask for), what does the person who was cheated on need to move forward (for example, they need to know the whereabouts of their partner for a while), and what communication barriers were there (if any) that caused the person who cheated to not communicate their needs prior to having an affair. Another important factor is rebuilding the trust that was lost. It is easier to do with the first affair compared to subsequent ones, but regardless, trust needs to be re-built.
People have come into my office explaining a very simple situation and have ended up splitting up. People have come into my office offering very complex and hurtful situations (e.g. it was a long term affair or an affair with a relative) and the couple ends up with a very solid relationship. I give these examples to say that one can never tell. Just because it seems so bad at first, doesn’t mean that it isn’t recoverable. It is really up to the people in the relationship to determine that.
One last thought: Just because the relationship now seems okay (because the cheating partner is now home on time after work, calls to check in and/or seems more affectionate) does not mean that it will be okay in the long term. Therapy can be very helpful to make sure that core issues are dealt with so that an affair has less of a chance of happening again. If you are looking for an individual therapist or couples therapist in Long Beach, please give me a call to ask me a question or to set up an appointment.