How Do I Get My Partner / Spouse To Come To Therapy With Me?
Many people do not want to go to therapy because of various reasons. The reasons I hear most often is: being stubborn, not wanting to talk about feelings, not wanting to pay for something they believe they can fix themselves, and not wanting to admit there is a problem.
It is not a good idea to trick your partner into therapy (telling them you are going to dinner and going to therapy, for example) or manipulate them into going to therapy. You can, however, talk to them about why you think getting help is important to you. You can let them know that although they do not think it will work and they don’t think there is a problem, that you do and you would like to try it out for you. Many people would be surprised about how many partners will do things for their partner, even if they do not think it will help. You can talk to them about how many sessions they would agree to before you would agree that therapy didn’t work or that you would re-assess attending. This way they know it is a limited time and that they are not required to be in therapy forever. If after 3 sessions, they feel that it helped you (or perhaps the relationship), they might be willing to go back.
You might also ask them if they would like to help in picking out a therapist OR you can present 2-3 therapists that you liked online and print out information on each of them so your partner can choose who would be least intimidating (or most fitting). Some therapists have blogs and/or videos on their websites so that you can get to know them before you set up a session. Some therapists also offer the first session for free so that your partner cannot use cost as a reason to not try it out.
Lastly, remember that even though your partner refuses to go to learn skills to improve your relationship; it doesn’t mean that you can go and begin the process on your own. You can learn different ways of communicating and getting your needs met. Sometimes, when a partner sees that therapy is working, they will offer to join in.
If you are looking for an individual therapist or couples therapist in Long Beach, please give me a call to ask me a question or to set up an appointment.