Should I Come Out To My Family?

Many people believe that coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer in today’s society is an easy process because of the national attention that the LGBTQI community received during the Prop 8 and NOH8 campaigns.  Even though Long Beach was recently named one of “America’s 15 gayest cities”, we are still seeing discrimination, bullying and hate crimes just like anywhere else in America.  This makes coming out to family and friends very difficult.  Responses from family and friends can range from complete support (“oh, I knew since you were 5 years old and I love you for who you are”) to complete rejection (“get out of the house and I never want to see you again”).  I have had clients that come home and see all of their belongings on the lawn and find that the locks have been changed.  I have also had clients that are so thankful that they finally came out because they are able to introduce the person they love to their family and feel complete acceptance.  My guess is that you already know the above information and are now asking, “What about me?”

Tips for deciding whether or not to coming out:

1. Assess the possible response you will get from your family by paying attention to their comments about Prop 8, about gay pride, or about other gay and lesbian people/events that they experience.  Are they hateful comments, some-what supportive comments, or encouraging comments?
2. Asses your ability to be financially independent from your family if they were to disown you for being you.
3. Build your support network through friends that you KNOW will support you (either they already have a friend in the gay and lesbian community, they are a part of the community themselves, or they seem to react positively to gay, lesbian and transgender people)
4. If you don’t know anyone who will be supportive, get involved with the local gay and lesbian community center.  In Long Beach, that center is on 4^th and Cherry (2017 4^th Street, Long Beach).
5. Attend a PFLAG meeting.  PFLAG stands for “Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays”.  You will find plenty of supportive people at those meetings, some of which may be straight individuals that are your parent’s age and can give you information and advice on how/if/when to come out to your own parents (the parents who attend these meetings are generally parents who have a child who is LGBTQI).  Check out www.pflag.org to get more information on FREE groups near you.
6. Seek professional help in your decision making process by attending therapy with a therapist who is knowledgeable of the gay, lesbian, transgender and bisexual community.  Interview that therapist on the phone for a few moments to decide if you believe the therapist will be gay friendly.  Check out www.longbeachtherapy.com and look through “finding the right therapist” section, or email longbeachtherapy@ymail.com to get more information on finding a gay friendly therapist in Long Beach or closer to your area.  I realize how difficult it can be finding a gay friendly therapist in your area, so please remember that if you are in California and not local to Long Beach, you can participate in Skype sessions or facetime sessions with me.