Living On Purpose
Living purposefully…
I have noticed that a lot of my sessions with clients over the years have been about living on purpose. Many people are stuck in a relationship where they are not happy, but they are afraid to leave because they don’t want to be single. So they stay in the relationship unhappy because the idea of dating horrifies them. They say “I am in love” but can’t describe why. For many people, being “in love” simply means being super comfortable with your partner. Even if there is intense fighting and then making up, it equates to passion and love. I try to help my clients to either stay in the relationship because they choose to stay or leave the relationship because they want to leave. This seems overly simple, but in practice is extremely hard for people. In my opinion not making a decision IS making a decision, it’s just making a decision to not change or not leave, but it is still a choice. I would encourage you to ask yourself: What would I tell my friend? What would I tell my adult child? What would I want for someone I care about?
Many people aren’t ready to give up the relationship because they haven’t worked at it hard enough at it and feel that they have failed. In this case, I would encourage you to participate in my 30 day relationship challenge (on the “client corner” page of this website), to attend individual sessions and possibly even couples sessions to try to improve your relationship. Then you will be in a win-win situation. Either you will improve your relationship and be happier or you will realize that you have done all this work and it just isn’t meant to be. How does the second statement help you? If you have gone to therapy to improve your communication stills, improve YOU, then even if this relationship doesn’t work, then you still have the skills you worked to develop and can use them in future relationships. It might make you realize how amazing you are and how you deserve a more compatible partner. Also it can help you to de-villainize your partner. Often times, your partner wants the relationship to work just as much as you do and simply does not know what to do. When you both work on improving your communication skills you can evaluate together if there are just too many things working against you in the relationship or if you are able to get the happy back in your relationship.
If you are looking for an individual therapist or couples therapist in Long Beach, please give me a call to ask me a question or to set up an appointment.