8 Tips to Survive Meeting your Partner’s Family Over The Holidays

8 Tips to Survive Meeting your Partner’s Family

Meeting your significant other’s family is stressful, no matter what the situation is. You want to impress them and you want them to like you. If you’re in a same-sex relationship, these concerns are multiplied. Some research has found that heterosexual couples are less likely to worry about being accepted than gay couples.

Here are eight tips to help you survive the big event:

1. Be prepared

No one knows your partner’s family better than your partner, so talk to them about what to expect ahead of time. Learn as much as you can about family dynamics and the attitudes of those family member’s you’ll be meeting. Keep in mind that being prepared does not mean working on assumptions. Even if your partner’s family reacted badly to the news of them being gay or them being in a relationship in general does not automatically mean they will reject you. Nor can you assume they will welcome you with open arms if they are usually supportive.

2. Be Your Best Self

Think of this meeting as a little bit like an interview, because that’s essentially what it is. Be yourself, but be respectful and keep your nervous habits under control. You don’t need to be especially formal, but if you cuss a lot or have very strong political views, you’ll want to tone this down, at least in the beginning. You may not see eye to eye, but establishing a degree of neutrality is a good place to start.

3. Find out what you have in common

It doesn’t really matter what differences there are between you and your partner’s family, you have one thing in common: You all care very much about your partner. Steer clear of controversial subjects. Family history is almost always a good conversation topic. Ask your partner about what topics should be off limits, as they know their family the best and can help you decide what the best topics are and the ones to avoid.

4. Bring a gift

There’s no better way to start things off on a positive note than by bringing a thoughtful gift (especially over the holidays). It doesn’t have to be large or extravagant. A homemade treat, flowers, or bottle of wine will make a great first impression. If you’ll be meeting younger family members, a small toy will earn you extra brownie points.  The gift is for the kids, but also helps with the kid’s parents, as it’s hard to not like someone who is nice to your kids.

5. Don’t be afraid to talk about your accomplishments

Be careful not to come across as conceited, but don’t be afraid to talk about some of the things you’re proud of. Your partner’s family wants them to be with someone who is good for them, even if they always assumed it would be in a heterosexual relationship. Don’t be afraid to show them that you are that person.

6. Find an ally

If you’re meeting more of the family than just the parents, there is a very good chance you’ll be able to find at least one person other than your partner you can connect with.

7. Unified

No matter what happens, your relationship with your partner depends on you both being supportive of one another. Talk to your partner ahead of time and establish a signal you can use if anything makes you uncomfortable.  Ask them before the visit to get you out of difficult situations.  If their parent starts asking you about politics have YOUR PARTNER tell the parent to back off or have your partner instruct you to run an errand to get you out of the room or out of the house.  This way you are not the bad guy.

8. It’s just a visit

Remember, your partner has decided you are worth taking home to meet the family. Also remember that, while they may still be having trouble accepting your relationship, they are agreeing to meet you. That has to count for something.