Dealing With My Relationship Break-Up. Tips From A Therapist In Long Beach

There is a common misconception that couple’s therapy ends the moment that a relationship is either fixed or comes to an end. For many people, there are still plenty of issues to work out on their own, especially if their relationship or marriage does not survive. Many of those people will return to the therapist who helped them while they were still in the relationship, which makes perfect sense when you think about it. The therapist already has a knowledge of the issues you are dealing with, and also has the experience necessary to get you through the tough time you are having due to the relationship breakup.

One of the most common questions asked by people who have just gone through a break-up concerns how they get over the pain that they are feeling. The first thing that needs to be understood is that the pain being felt is not only natural, it is also perfectly normal. It is what you choose to do from that point forward that will dictate how long that pain lasts, and how it will affect any and all future relationships. You need to know that you are going to be okay, although how long that takes depends on various factors.

When the break-up first happens, you need to allow yourself to feel the pain that it brings. Simply trying to suppress that pain and carry on as though nothing happened is not a healthy approach to the end of a meaningful relationship. Take the time that you need to work through the pain, and lean on friends and family in your time of need. Even if you are talking to a therapist, there are going to be times when the pain will resurface like a bolt out of the blue, and you will need a shoulder to cry on. That is where the friends and family come in.

It is easy to point the finger at the other person in the relationship and blame them for how you feel. Chances are they are hurting, too, and if you lay all of the blame on them, you are not taking responsibility for the role you may have played in the ending of the relationship. Even if they were 90% to blame for the breakup, and the relationship needed to end, you can still look at your part.  When the time feels right, start to think about mistakes that were made by both of you, and think about how you could have better resolved those issues. If you use the break-up of a relationship as a learning experience, you will be much better equipped to deal with whatever gets thrown at you in the next one.

Oftentimes, it takes talking out the break-up with a professional to get to the real cause of why things ended. Often times friends just want you to feel better and aren’t trained in how to help you process the breakup so that it doesn’t haunt you in future relationships.  The things that lie on the surface may seem like the reason it all went wrong, but when you look a little deeper, you often find other clues that you never noticed before. When those are unearthed, chances are you will find it easier to move on and accept where you are in your life right now.

If you are looking for a counselor in Long Beach to deal with a break up, give me a call.