Should I get a divorce?
You never enter into a marriage thinking that it will end sometime in the near future. The vast majority of people who marry have taken the time to ensure that the person they plan on being with for the rest of their life is someone that they are compatible with. Even if that belief is correct at the time, there are a lot of things that can change over the course of a number of years. Relationships change over time, and it is how you deal with those changes that dictate how long you will stay married. If you are considering getting a divorce, there are some things you should do before making that move.
The first thing that needs to be done is to figure out what it is that is making you think about filing for divorce in the first place. This is not always easy to do, as what you think the problem is may in fact have an underlying issue that you cannot see. For example, if your spouse has become more and more moody over an extended period of time, to the point where they do not seem like the person you married, they may have an issue you don’t know about. They could be stressed about work, an illness, or any number of other things that they have yet to divulge to you. Take the time to talk to your partner to let them know how you feel, and to try and get to the bottom of what is troubling them.
What you may discover during this talk is that the problem lies with you and something that you are doing. This is not about laying blame, but rather getting to the root cause of what is making your relationship turn sour. Once these issues have been addressed and the cards have been laid on the table, you can then try to decide if it’s a problem that can be resolved, or one that has been left to rot for far too long. This may not be easy to figure out on your own, which is why time spent with a couple’s therapist is a good idea.
Too many people assume that their relationship is past the point of repair, and simply file for divorce without seeking any type of professional advice. The only real exception here is when a relationship has become abusive, either verbally or physically, as that is a sign that you need to get out and cut your losses. There is never an acceptable excuse for that sort of treatment.
What has to be taken into account here is that therapy will not solve all of your issues in a single session. Some partners refuse to go at all, but that does not mean that you can’t start out talking to a therapist on your own. You can be given all kinds of tools and valuable information that can help get your relationship back to a healthier place. Once your partner sees the strides that you are making, they may be more inclined to take part in future sessions, all of which may save you from experiencing the pain of divorce. There are no guarantees in life, and that includes therapy, but you can certainly increase your chances of success by trying to learn new skills.