How To Talk To Your Children About Other Family Types
For children of heterosexual couples, it can be confusing to them to see a homosexual couple. They’ve grown up accustomed to mom and dad. But when the tables are turned, the children of same-sex couples have the same struggle. They’ve grown up with mom and mom or dad and dad. They not only need to understand why their family is different but also that all family definitions have the same value.
Don’t Beat Around The Bush
It can be scary, daunting, or even confusing to explain other families to your children. But it doesn’t have to be. Instead of creating wild fictional stories to help illustrate your point, stick to the facts. Let your kids know about the process you went through to start a family (i.e. adoption, surrogacy). And let them know that other families are different because they go through different processes to get started. Share with them all of the family types. Teach them about other gay couples, heterosexual couples, and families with stepparents or single parents. It’s a great time to educate your kids about family and its ever-changing definition. The author, Todd Parr, has a lot of great supportive books that can simply read to your kids and discuss. This way you don’t have to figure out how to bring it up or how to present the information.
Focus On The Similarities
The more you talk about how each family is different, the more you normalize your family while making all the others seem weird. It’s important for your children to know that each family type is normal. In your explanations, spend the bulk of your time illustrating how each family is cut from the same cloth. Share how you all have to do the laundry or how you all like to watch television. Your kids will walk away from the conversation with an understanding that you’re all equal.
Don’t Get Offended
You’ve worked hard to establish your family, and you don’t want to be questioned. But children will be faced with new scenarios and inquiries daily. Any time they see or hear something new and different, they’ll be curious. When they have questions about your family structure, don’t feel like you’re defending your right to have a family. Use the questions as an opportunity to educate. Plus, taking the extra time to explain these things will only tighten your familial bond. If your kids sense your defensiveness, they might assume you are hiding something, you are embarrassed or something is wrong with you, them or the family.
Talk About Love
It’s important that your kids know that love is the driving force in any marriage. And the earlier they know this, the better. Your kids should know that you and your partner love each other and that the two of you love them. It’s a great way to talk about your relationship with your kids without complicating or politicizing things.
Share The History
Let your kids know that, throughout history, same-sex marriage wasn’t always allowed. They should know there are people who don’t support your relationship. There’s no need to scare them, but when they are old enough, it’s important for them to have historical context. They’ll appreciate their family even more than they already do.
Speaking about other family types to your children can be difficult and tricky. But if you keep your emphasis on education, you can ensure your kids walk away from the conversation with an understanding and love for all families.
If you have specific questions, please call me and set up an appointment. Not only am I a therapist, but I have two children and know the anxiety that can be present during these conversations.