How to handle an impending divorce?
Tips from a marriage counselor in Long Beach
If you were someone who liked to gamble, you would probably jump at the opportunity to lay money on a 50/50 bet (you don’t even get these odds in Las Vegas). Those odds don’t seem so good when they are used to describe the chances of your marriage being forever. Believe it or not, the divorce rate in the United States fluctuates between 40 and 50%, and is on the rise with each passing year. It’s a bet that couples are still willing to make, and it’s not until it all falls apart that they realize just how difficult and painful it can be to deal with an impending divorce.
There are generally two types of divorces; one that is expected and agreed upon, and one that can make you feel as though the rug has been pulled out from under your feet when the papers are served. Neither of the two options comes without any pain, but the latter is a little harder to deal with than the former. Relationships that appear to be going through a natural cooling off period may actually be in the final death throes, leading to one of the parties deciding it’s time to call it quits. If you end up on the receiving end of that, the pain and anger that you feel can seem unbearable, but it can be managed.
The first thing that you need to do, assuming that your spouse is unwilling to seek therapy or try and save the marriage, is to ensure that your children are okay. Little ones do not really have the capacity to understand adult situations, and may even feel that they are somehow to blame for the impending divorce. They need to be aware that everything will be okay, even if you feel at that very moment that your whole world is crashing down around you. You will have time to deal with your own feelings without letting your children see your pain.
As difficult as it will be to do, you need to talk to your spouse about how to proceed with the divorce. Hurt often leads to anger, which in turn can lead to the divorce becoming more unfriendly than it needs to be. Even if there are no children involved, the whole process will go a lot more smoothly if you and your spouse can find a way to figure things out amicably. The fact of the matter is that going this route can also save you money as well as heartache.
Divorce can leave you feeling as though you are lost and alone, so it’s a good idea to find a friendly ear willing to listen. A trusted friend or family member can help, but a therapist may be an even better option, as they can offer unbiased opinions on your situation. They have also had all kinds of experience with different divorce scenarios, and will be able to provide you with the best tools and information that will help you see that as much as it hurts now, your life will go on, and you can feel better in the future.
If you are looking for an individual therapist or couples therapist in Long Beach, Lakewood or the surrounding areas, please give me a call to ask me a question or to set up an appointment.