Another Tip On How To Make Your Relationship Work From A Relationship Therapist In Long Beach

So yesterday I posted this same article as an April Fools sort of joke “How To End Your Relationship Without Regrets”.  The purpose of this blog post is really to teach you how to be the best partner you can be.  The hope is that these techniques will work.  If they don’t, it has been my experience doing couples therapy, that the person who does do the work has very little regret when leaving the relationship where their partner isn’t doing the work to make the relationship great.  So for those of you who didn’t see yesterdays blog post, here it goes…

How To Make Your Relationship Work From A Relationship Therapist In Long Beach:

Apologize for your part.  Many times an argument will continue because no one is willing to apologize, no one is willing to be kind first (they want the other person to soften up first), and/or you don’t think that your partner deserves an apology.

PRO TIP: Apologize for YOUR PART.   In almost every situation (unless there is domestic violence/abuse) you have some part to play in the fight.  Even if you are responsible for 5% of the argument and they are responsible for 95%, apologize for your 5%.   And…NO, don’t say “I apologize for my small measly 5%” .  Don’t mention the percent.   Just say “I’m sorry for _____” (whatever your part was).  Your partner is way more likely to own up to their part when you have owned up to your part.

Many people tell me that they don’t want to try this because they already know that their partner won’t change anyway and won’t apologize.  What I tell them goes something like this: “Keep your side of the street clean.  Don’t worry about their side right now.   Two things will probably happen.  Either you will inspire your partner to change and you will both benefit from this.   -OR-  You will get to the point that you are sick of your partner not changing and you will leave the relationship with very little regret because you did your part to keep your side of the street clean.   If you don’t do what I am telling you, it is my opinion that you are more likely to have regrets in leaving the relationship because you will know that you had a part in all of the unhappiness and you weren’t willing to work on it”.    This is especially true of couples with kids.  One day, your child is going to ask you why your relationship with their other parent ended.  It does feel a little better when you are able to look your child in the eyes and honestly/genuinely say “I really did try my very best and it just didn’t work out”.