Can someone really remember details of a sexual assault that took place 30 years ago?
The answer is yes.
If I asked you what you were doing May 20, 2005 at 4pm (eastern time), you probably don’t remember.
If I asked you what you were doing on September 11, 2001 at 9am (eastern time), you probably remember.
The reason you would probably remember is that something significant happened. Something scary. It is true that people can forget aspects of the trauma due to PTSD, however for people who do remember, they will probably remember forever. Every detail.
One of my specialties is working with survivors of trauma. After working in a domestic violence shelter for 10 years and a sexual assault crisis agency for a year, I continued to work with survivors of sexual assault in my private practice. I use Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TFCBT) to treat these clients. 90% of the treatment involves telling the story in detail. Every graphic detail from the color of their shirt to the smell in the air. Out of all the people I have worked with, most remember every detail. Some of those clients had been sexually assaulted the week before our session and some had been sexually assaulted 40 years before our session. They remember.
Why would someone talk about sexual assault so long after it happened?
Usually this is because something new has come into play. They suspect another person is in danger (or a whole lot of people), they had a friend confide in them that the friend had been assaulted, they can’t deal with the nightmares and flashbacks anymore, or perhaps they feel safe for the first time in their lives and confide in a person they feel safe with. The list goes on for why people wait to talk about it and why some people never talk about it.
Why don’t people just tell right when it happens?
I suggest you turn on the news any time there is a story of a sexual assault. The survivor is shamed, they are told they wore too short of a skirt, or got too drunk, or shouldn’t have trusted their coach and somehow all is all their fault. Survivors hear all of this and start to blame themselves. For they would rather be to blame for their sexual assault. Because if they were to be able to blame themselves, they would surely not allow it to happen again. If all it takes is wearing long dresses, or better yet SWEAT PANTS, and not going out at night and never drinking, SIGN ME UP! And for sure sign my daughter up for that safety plan!! But unfortunately, this isn’t the truth. The survivor isn’t to blame. People get assaulted in daylight, at a party with lots of people around, and yes, even wearing sweat pants. Sexual assault is about taking someone’s power and control away from them and the perpetrator is always to blame. Of course there should be an investigation and a trial…. but this investigation and trial should be for the perpetrator. We should not be putting a survivor on trial simply for saying something happened to them. For some survivors, it takes 30 years to take their power back. And when they do, I hope you will be one of the people who support them.
Only about 2% of all rape and related sex charges are determined to be false, the same percentage as for other felonies (FBI).
Other blog posts that might be of interest:
Why Some People “Seem Fine” And “Act Normally” After a Traumatic Event
How to help a friend experiencing trauma