How to learn how to be a better person by watching a man….LOL
The lol part was so women will actually read this blog post. First let me say that I believe that society influences men and women in different ways. Because many people frown at boys who play with dolls and girls who want to play sports, men and women have often been socialized to be good at different things. When boys are raised with dolls they can choose to play with, they tend to be more empathetic and caring adults. When girls are encouraged to play sports (if they want to) when they are raised, they tend to be better leaders, team players and have more self-confidence.
Although woman are better at many things because of how they are socialized, one of the things husbands tend to be better at is self-care and boundaries. Think about it. When a guy and a girl first meet, the girl is the one more likely to jump in to the relationship too soon and the guy is way more likely to say “slow down” (well not with his words, but with his actions). When you have a busy schedule with work and kids, your husband is more likely to go play golf and join a softball league and leave you home with the kids. This is called self-care, and you should do it too. This doesn’t mean he should be going out every night and leaving you home with the kids. It means that you should talk to each other and agree upon times that are carved out for individual activities. Remember 1+1=2. You need to foster your individuality as well as your connection and togetherness. Otherwise, what will you talk about? Over time, couples tend to communicate less and less to the point where they come into therapy to work on communication skills.
Try this out:
Carve out 2 days per month for individual activities for each of you (4 days total between two people). Carve out at least 2 days per month for “together activities” (without the kids).
If there are trust issues or other issues that get in your way of this happening, think about setting up a few appointments with a therapist to figure out what is going on and how you can build trust in your relationship.