I’m so annoyed with my partner!! What can I do?

As much as you might absolutely adore your partner… There are just some things that really make your blood boil. It might be the food container put back empty (Who does that?), how they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube, or zoning out in front of the TV after dinner. You don’t really want to fight over these things, but it is still annoying. You would be surprised at how many people file for divorce because they can’t deal with the wet towel one more day. With a little planning and the right mindset, you can address these issues in a way that strengthens your relationship instead of making things worse.
Determine how big of an issue it really is
While you should certainly pick your battles, it is also best to determine whether a little thing is really a little thing. Try recognizing that you and your partner have different priorities and letting it go. If it is really a little thing, letting it go shouldn’t be too hard. But if you try to let it go and still feel your blood pressure rise, it’s important to figure out why. One tip: Every time you are annoyed with the little things they do, name one thing that you do that they put up with. Remember, no one is perfect.
Get to the root of the issue
Seeing your partner zone out in front of the TV while you clean the kitchen may annoy you, but it’s not really about the dishes. It can be difficult to see your partner as having different needs and goals from your own. The core issue, in many cases, is an unmet need(s). Figuring out the real issue can help you get closer to a solution. If the dirty dishes make you feel unappreciated, that’s what needs to be addressed. If you can find a way to get your needs met, the dirty dishes won’t matter so much.
Don’t ignore a key issue
If you find yourself dwelling on small issues all the time, you need to talk about it. It’s easy enough to dismiss an issue by thinking you’re just being a neat freak, or high maintenance, or whatever. If you find you just can’t get the issue out of your head, you need to talk about it.
Use the soft open
When talking about annoying matters, many people will go on the offensive and attack their partners. This helps nothing and will only make matters worse. Instead, try bringing up the issue by first acknowledging the things your partner does well and appreciating those things. This might look something like this, “I appreciate how hard you work and how well you take care of me and our family, but it really bothers me when I pull empty food containers out of the fridge.” In this approach, you didn’t blame anyone (For example, saying: “It bothers me when YOU leave empty containers in the fridge” would be a blaming statement).
Be patient
Picking up may be a habit for you, but it may not be so easy for your partner. Whatever it is that is annoying you, you may need to remind your partner from time to time. Try to do it with patience and a sense of humor. Another thing that may help: Bring it up at a time when you aren’t annoyed. This way you avoid your annoyed tone of voice and body language that could put them on the defensive.
Listen
Once you’ve expressed yourself using the soft open, be quiet and listen. Your partner’s reaction may give you a lot of insight as to why they do the things they do.
Negotiate a solution
You may have some ideas in mind about how to resolve the matter, but those are your ideas and may not reflect your partner’s thoughts or feelings. Offer your ideas, but give your partner a chance to give feedback and make other suggestions.
Create systems
Chores are a common issue among couples who live together. Negotiating roles and creating systems before moving in together can help keep this from becoming an issue. If you already live together and have faced these issues, it’s not too late. Discuss which chores you each enjoy, or at least don’t mind so much, and how to deal with those chores neither of you like to do. It might mean investing in a dishwasher, hiring someone to take care of those things, taking turns, working on them together, or some other solution.
Get help
If you try these strategies and can’t reach a resolution, or if you find things are getting worse instead of better, it may be time to seek couples’ therapy. A therapist can help you and your partner work together to get to the bottom of the issue and work out a solution that works for you both.
Whatever issues you are dealing with in your relationship, don’t ignore an issue just because you’re afraid of conflict. Conflict is a natural part of any relationship and can actually serve to make your relationship stronger, if it is dealt with appropriately. You have probably known at least one couple split after years of priding themselves on how well they get along. It always comes as a shock to the people around them, but a lack of conflict can mean that one or both parties have been letting resentment fester until the relationship was beyond repair.