Ways to stand up for yourself without feeling bad

We all have the right to stand up for ourselves and the things that we believe in, yet we often walk away feeling guilty in those moments that we do stand up for ourselves. Do we feel bad because we are questioning what we believe to be right or is it because the way we went about it left the person on the other side of the conversation feeling bad about themselves? More often than not, it is the latter that is true, which is why we need to find ways to stand up for ourselves without feeling bad about doing so. The good news is that is can be learned 😊

Let’s think about an example of where you stand up for yourself but end up feeling bad. Have you ever been overcharged on a bill or had some other issue that has led to you needing to call customer service? Most of us have been in this situation, and while we are annoyed at making the call in the first place, we are often furious after being on hold for an inordinate amount of time. When you finally do get to talk to a customer service rep, it often turns into a one-sided rant where you berate the rep and demand action. Even if you are in the right with your issue, your behavior is going to make you feel bad long after the situation has been resolved.

What we can learn from that type of situation, as well as many others, is that there is a very fine line between assertiveness and aggression. When you are assertive in getting your point across, people tend to listen and act in a manner where things remain completely civil. If, on the other hand, you resort to yelling and screaming to get your point across, there is a better than average chance that people are going to respond in kind, creating a situation where nothing gets resolved.

Another mistake that we make when standing up for ourselves is to open up with qualifying phrases that make it seem as though we question our own stance. If you start out your defense with an apology, you are essentially telling the other person that you are sorry for having the opinion that you do. It’s much easier to make a stand or call a person out if you are direct and assertive without being rude or aggressive. They may not like what you say, but they will be more likely to respect it, and more importantly you won’t walk away feeling guilty.

It’s strange that standing up for what you believe to be right should be so difficult, but it’s something that you need to learn to do for your own self-confidence and mental health. If this is something that you have a problem with in your life, talking things out with a therapist can help. You can get help in getting to the bottom of what is holding you back from standing up for yourself, and they can talk to you about techniques and strategies you can adopt to make that aspect of you life easier.