Should I get back together with my ex? Written by a couples therapist in Long Beach.

It’s very rare that anyone will meet their life partner at the first time of asking, which is why we all tend to go through broken relationships and a little heartbreak before Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along. There are situations, though, where you may have believed that you had found the perfect person, only for the relationship to come to an end. Getting through those types of break-ups is tough, but should you try and get back with your ex in that type of situation? There are a few things to consider here, so let’s take a closer look to see if we can come up with the right answer.

There are a few things to consider here, the first of which is by looking at how the relationship ended. If the end came out of the blue, perhaps it was a situation where your ex got cold feet but is now missing you as much as you miss them. If they haven’t left you several other times, this might be a situation where it might be worth having another go at making things work. If, on the other hand, the end of the relationship came after one of you was found to be cheating or doing something else dishonest or underhanded, then perhaps the end was for the best.

You also need to ask yourself if you want your ex back because you were comfortable in the relationship as opposed to being truly happy. Perhaps the idea of being single again is something that scares you a little, or maybe you want that person back because your friends and family thought that you were perfect together. If you are looking to get back into a relationship with your ex for any of those reasons, then you are likely going to end up back in the same position, sooner rather than later. If you were truly happy in the relationship, then it might be worth another try.

If the break-up was because of something you did, or didn’t, do, then you need to question whether you can change your behavior to be more in line with what your ex expects from you. This is not to suggest that you completely change your personality or way of thinking, but it does mean that you need to get in the habit of talking about things and making an effort to hear what your partner wants from you in the relationship. You should expect that they should make the same effort if you are going to try again.

Getting back into a relationship with your ex begins with you both sitting down and having a potentially tough conversation about what happened in the past. This can be difficult to do, which is why speaking to a therapist or counsellor can be really helpful. They can help you to coolly and calmly talk things out, whilst also delivering some ideas about what might help you both find a common ground. Once you do that, and stick with the plan, then you have a legitimate chance of making a relationship with an ex work.