Domestic Violence Takes On New Dimensions in LGBTQ Relationships.
Written By An LGBTQ Therapist In Long Beach.
Domestic violence is a terrible problem for both LGBTQ people and their straight counterparts. It’s a potentially deadly situation that can have dark consequences for everyone involved. But with LGBTQ victims and abusers, their sexuality creates an added level of fear that can prevent many people from seeking help.
For closeted people trapped in an abusive relationship, it can often mean there’s a lot more at stake. Seeking help means more than escaping a destructive partner. It means coming out of the closet. The emotional stress of ending an abusive relationship coupled with the struggles of coming out can seem like a much bigger price to pay than what it’s worth. Many abusers often scare their partners by threatening to “out” them to friends, family, or co-workers. It’s a defense mechanism designed to keep them living in fear. But most importantly, it keeps them from leaving the relationship. Their fear of coming out is often scarier than their fear of abuse. Abuse is something they know, coming out has consequences that are unknown.
Many LGBTQ people face the difficulty of explaining abuse to people who don’t understand it in an LGBTQ context. For example, a Buzzfeed article detailed the story of a woman named Sam who was raped by her girlfriend when she was three months pregnant. Sam had a tough time explaining the rape because most people only understand rape in the context of a man and a woman. It can be tough enough to deal with abuse. But it gets even tougher when people discount your experience because they can’t understand it.
As is the case with many of the other problems in the LGBTQ community (like addiction), most services are not specifically designed to combat problems that are unique to LGBTQ people. Officials haven’t received adequate training to assist victims. They may not understand their plight, or they may even hold personal biases that prevent them from being helpful.
Domestic abuse is scary all on its own. But factor in a lack of available resources and assistance. That situation becomes much scarier.
Some victims prefer to keep quiet in order to protect the image of the entire community. As shared in a 2013 article in “The Atlantic”, there’s a concern about making LGBTQ people look bad by reporting domestic abuse crimes. There’s even a fear that critics of the LGBTQ community will say that victims deserved it. In order to avoid any potential criticism or any steps back for the community as a whole, they avoid reporting it.
The veil of silence over much of the community has prevented completion of accurate studies of LGBTQ domestic violence. The data on record isn’t representative of the number of true cases that exist. Without that data, it’s difficult to develop more resources for those victims in need.
If you’re suffering from domestic abuse, seek help immediately. The sooner you report it, the sooner you can get help. Look for LGBTQ-specific groups and an LGBTQ-friendly therapist for individual therapy. Staying silent is the last thing you should do.
If you are looking for a bisexual, lesbian, gay or Transgender friendly therapist in Long Beach, please call to set up an appointment. Please remember that if you are not in driving distance from my office, that I do provide Skype and facetime sessions. It is sometimes difficult to find a gay friendly therapist, so I try to accommodate my clients by providing tele-therapy (meaning skype, facetime, etc). If it is important to find an LGBTQ therapist near you, check out my blog post to get tips on how to pick an LGBTQ therapist near you.