Why Gender Neutral Bathrooms Are Important

Recently, I heard a story of a young child who was in Kindergarten (this is a true story). They were trying to figure out their gender.  They were born into a female body, but they felt like a boy inside.  This child was not asking to be called a “he”, but wanted so badly to become a “he” if it was possible, if by magic in their sleep.  Later in the school year the child developed a bladder infection.  Upon collaboration with the doctor, the teacher and the parents, it was discovered that this child did not use the bathroom all day while at school.  The reason why: they didn’t want to be seen going into the girl’s bathroom because they wore traditional boy’s clothes, had only boys as friends, and many kids in the class assumed the child was a boy, therefore referred to the child as “he”.  I have respectfully not chosen a pronoun for this child, and will use gender neutral terminology in this post.   The parents met with the teacher, who simply said “well, why don’t they simply use the nurse’s bathroom.  That bathroom is gender neutral, everyone uses it, and no one would think twice about a kid going to the nurse’s office”.   There it was.  A kindergarten teacher with a brilliant idea.  If the child wasn’t ready to choose, why make them choose?  Why make them inflict harm on their little bodies because they refuse to drink all day in school, even during the hot, 110 degree days, even during days they had PE and needed to stay hydrated.  Why not allow this child to worry about their struggles with the ABC’s or math or with their little sibling who always wanted to play with their toys, just like other kindergarten kids have to struggle with.  Let them be a kid and worry about societies need to label them when they are older.  Brilliant.

Throughout this year, transgender rights have been front and center in the national discussion thanks to gender neutral bathrooms.  The Democratic National Convention had them.  Gay bars and clubs have had them for a long time.  Mass market retailer Target is planning to add them to its stores.  It’s a huge step forward for the transgender community.  But many people are left scratching their heads and wondering why it’s important.

Back in March 2016, North Carolina governor Pat McCrory signed the bathroom bill into law.  Officially known as the Public Facilities Privacy & Security Act, the bill forces people to use the restroom in accordance with their birth gender.  The law caused a national uproar that resulted in hundreds of companies and celebrities pulling their businesses out of the state.  At a time when the transgender community was making great strides on a national level, this law was a devastating setback.

The bathroom bill was a thinly veiled discriminatory law aimed at transgender people.  It was destructive because it essentially put the community in danger.  For transgender men and women who have been living their truth and have undergone partial or full transitions, it forced them to use restrooms alongside people who could harm them because of their differences.  And furthermore, the law diminished the importance of their gender identity.  In essence, it treated transgender men and women like they were playing dress up; like they could simply pull off a wig and snap back to their birth gender with ease.

Gender neutral bathrooms aren’t just a trend or a buzzword.  Many transgender people are faced with emotional distress when it comes to using the restroom.  There are opponents on each side that don’t want transgender people using either.  Every time they go to the bathroom, they have to worry about discrimination or possible physical harm.  Gender neutral bathrooms remove that fear.  They can use the restroom without having to choose a gender or explain their identity.

Walking into a restroom should be a drama-free affair for all of us, transgender community included.  Gender neutral bathrooms make that possible.  It would be great for transgender people everywhere (including North Carolina) to be able to choose a gender neutral bathroom, a “male” bathroom or a “female” bathroom if they choose.

But more than the simple act of using the restroom without discrimination, gender neutral bathrooms serve as an even bigger symbol of acceptance.  They’re a national acknowledgment of gender identity.  The inclusion of these bathrooms shows the transgender community that people understand.  They know that gender identity and birth sex don’t always match up.  These bathrooms are a nod to transgender people that they too deserve the same rights and freedoms as everyone else.

Many people in the LGBTQ community face discrimination.  But the transgender community is subject to a much more lethal and vicious cycle of discrimination.  Gender neutral bathrooms are proof that the discussion is evolving.  We’re nowhere near where we should be as a nation when it comes to transgender rights.  But the bathrooms indicate that we’re moving in the right direction.

For those people who don’t understand why gender neutral bathrooms are important, place yourself in a transgender person’s shoes.  If you had to face questions about your identity every time you went to the restroom, you’d want a safe space, too.  The transgender community needs this not only for acceptance but to feel safe.

If you are looking for a Transgender friendly therapist in Long Beach, please call to set up an appointment.  Please remember that if you are not in driving distance from my office, that I do provide Skype and facetime sessions.  It is sometimes difficult to find a gay friendly therapist, so I try to accommodate my clients by providing tele-therapy (meaning skype, facetime, etc). If it is important to find an LGBTQ therapist near you, check out my blog post to get tips on how to pick an LGBTQ therapist near you.