How Do I Put An End To The Constant Fighting With My Spouse?

Before we tackle this tricky subject, let me start by saying that any form of physical or sexual abuse needs to be reported to the proper authorities. The information laid out below will not help anyone stuck in those types of situations. If you are not sure where to turn, please feel free to call and allow me to direct you to someone who can help. Now, let’s look at 8 tips that might help with your spousal squabbling.

1. Are you listening? –

It is easy to tune someone out whilst convincing ourselves that we are listening. In therapy, I will listen to someone talk and then ask the other person what their partner just said. When I get the response, it is often not anywhere close to what was actually said. When that happens, you have to make the listener aware of the issue, and then ask them to listen again. This gets them in the habit of asking for clarification if there was something they felt they missed the first time around.

2. Be careful how you apologize –

Telling a person that you are sorry they feel a certain way about something you said is tantamount to telling them that they were wrong to be hurt by those words. If you apologize, be sure to let your partner know that it was not your intention to cause pain. If you were trying to cause pain, jump ahead to point #8.

3. Accept responsibility –

Even if you are almost completely sure that your partner is at fault, be willing to accept a portion of the responsibility. Take a closer look at your role in the argument and think about what you could have done differently. Taking partial blame is part of being a team player, and in a relationship, you are in fact a team. If you are more interested in winning against your partner, or being right, then you aren’t playing for the team and your relationship is not going to be as health and happy as you might want it to be.

4. Seek individual help –

Couple’s therapy is a great way to solve many relationship issues, but sometimes you need to go in alone. If you are the brunt of all the blame, a professional perspective can help you see if you are doing something wrong or are allowing yourself to be a pushover.

5. Do all you can to save the relationship –

If you are thinking “should I get a divorce,” but you have done little to save the marriage, then the answer to that question is “NO.” You owe it to yourself to explore every avenue to save the marriage as opposed to pulling the plug prematurely. This will also ensure you have little regret when leaving. If you have tried everything possible before walking out, you will be able to leave with less regret.

6. Adopt new skills –

Even if couple’s therapy is unable to save your current relationship, the skills that you learn when talking to a professional will help you in the relationships that will come after this one ends.

7. Remember your partner –

Circumstances can cause people to change over time, but the person that you fell in love with is still in there somewhere. The changes made can hide that person, which is why you need to find a way to look deep within and find what made you love them in the first place. “Seeing” that person can save a troubled relationship.

8. Seek professional help –

Many of the above tips can be put in place without the help of a therapist, but if the fighting continues, you need to seek professional input. After all, couples therapy is a whole lot less financially and emotionally expensive than divorce.