What Do I Do If My Child Tells Me They Are Gay?
Written By A LGBTQ Therapist In Long Beach
The decision to “come out” is not one that is easily made, and chances are your child has thought about telling you for quite some time. The fact that they are telling you now should let you know that they trust you implicitly. Parents often fall into the trap of being angry that they weren’t informed sooner, but keep in mind that the coming out process is one that is labored over a long time before the child tells anyone. Kids can feel confused and uncertain about their feeling, and it can take years for them to come to terms with their sexuality. By the time they reveal this to you, they will be certain about who they are, and will have probably practiced coming out to you countless times before the real deal goes down.
Children need unconditional love and support from their parents, so make sure that you provide it. You may be shocked when they first break the news, but be sure to let them know that you want them to be happy above all else. Also make it clear that you love them, and that you want to learn more about this part of them. If you are unable to do any of those things, make an appointment with a therapist to discuss your feelings. Do not say anything that might cause irreparable damage to the relationship with your child.
Your child has probably already been hurt or discriminated against because of their sexuality. Do not become part of that, as you are the person that they trust more than anyone else. They spend more than enough time hearing about the “sins” of their decision, and they may even have been subjected to physical bullying. They don’t need to hear and feel more of the same at home, which is a space where they should always feel safe and welcomed. Compared to the rest of the population, the suicide rate among gay and lesbians is very high. The ones who do commit suicide are usually those who feel they are receiving no love or support. You can help them adjust to not be one of those (suicide) statistics by always offering unconditional love and support.
If you are, for whatever reason, unable to fully support your child in this situation, you need to seek out professional support. Therapy is a safe place to talk about your questions, as well as being a place where you can get answers to all of the questions you might have. You will learn which questions are and aren’t acceptable when trying to have a conversation with your gay child.