How to Deal With A Partner With Anger Issues

In order for anger issues to be dealt with properly, the person experiencing them has to deal with them on their own. As a spouse, you can help them find a therapist or anger management group, but the actual work is something they need to do on their own. You can seek help independently of your partner, whether that be through a support group or in home therapy. Your goal is to feel safe in your situation, and a therapist can help you achieve that. Couples therapy is not recommended in any situation where there is violence (emotional or physical).

Tips That Will Help You Stay Safe If Anger Turns To Violence:

1. Pack a bag with clothes, money, phone numbers, a copy of your house and car key, and copies of your driver’s license and birth certificates for you and your children, if you have any. Leave the bag with a trusted friend or family member. There should also always be enough gas in the tank of your car to get you where you need to go if you have to leave quickly. I have heard countless stories of people forgetting an important item, only to return to the home to get caught in the act of leaving again. Your safety is more important than anything else, so if you do forget something, forget about it and just get to safety.
2. 9-1-1 calls can be placed from any cell phone, even if there is no service or you have no minutes left. All you need is for the phone to be charged or hooked up to a charger.
3. Even if landline service has been removed from your home, a phone can be plugged into the jack to make a 9-1-1 call, assuming there is still a line to the telephone pole. To test if this works, call 6-1-1 to get your local operator, and tell them you dialed in error. If you can connect to that number, you can get through to 9-1-1.
4. If you are trying to call local shelters whilst away from the home, do so on a payphone so that the numbers do not appear on your bill. You can usually call the numbers collect, and the shelter will accept the charges. DO NOT call from home if at all possible, as your abuser may see the phone bill and tighten the reigns so you can’t leave.
5. Make trusted people aware of your situation so that you can have support and a place to go if things turn bad.
6. If there is nowhere safe for you to go, you always have the option of going to a domestic violence shelter, as they will provide you with safe housing, food, and support for as long as you need. Some will even send a cab to come and get you. Be aware that budget cuts can mean that space is limited, but there are usually plenty of shelters out there, so keep trying until you find a place with an open spot.
7. Even if you are in a great financial position, sometimes an abuser will freeze finances.  A police report or restraining order is usually enough to entitle you to free counseling through victims compensation. If you are unsure where to begin, please feel free to call me and allow me to assist. Alternatively, you can call 800-380-3811 in order to find a state provided therapist at no cost to you.