Dealing With A Bipolar Spouse
Bipolar Disorder Explained:
Bipolar Disorder can manifest itself in a number of different ways, but in general, it is usually periods of extreme highs followed by periods of extreme lows. There are other disorders that have similar symptoms, so it is best that a licensed medical professional be the one who delivers the diagnosis. You may hear words like “Mania” and “Hypomania,” but those are just words to describe the high moments.
Dealing With a Bipolar Spouse:
It is worth starting this section by saying that this information applies to people who have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. There is the chance it may in fact be something else. Mood swings can be a sign of a host of other ailments, some of which will be relevant to the information I am sharing here. It is best if your spouse wants to get evaluated. While medication can be helpful in many cases, most people with Bipolar disorder don’t want to take medication. Why? Because the high’s feel so good. Why would they want to take medication to stop feeling great? I have found that talk therapy is a great place to start when dealing with someone suffering from Bipolar Disorder. Many times someone with Bipolar disorder will be willing to come to therapy, but refuse medication. It may end up that a combination of talk and medication is required, but therapy is always a great jumping off point when tackling the issue. A therapist might also be able to explain the benefits of medication in a way that they can see would benefit them.
One of the major problems with medication for Bipolar Disorder is that it tends to make the person feel as though they are cured. Then they will want to stop the medication, only to start experiencing the highs and lows once more. Then they cycle begins again with trying to convince them to go back on the medication. It is often this cycle that makes spouses get in touch with me. They grow weary of the on again, off again mood swings and the refusal of their spouse to seek any other kind of treatment.
The will come to me and ask what they can do to help their spouse. The simple answer is that there is little they can do unless the spouse decides to seek evaluation and therapy. If the spouse remains consistent in their refusal to seek help, then the only thing left to do is ride the wave of emotions and look after yourself, or leave the relationship.
Seek support for yourself before you do anything else.
Just because your spouse refuses to budge on the therapy issue, does not mean that you need to do the same. You can book some sessions for yourself, where you can learn about coping with the stress of the situation, as well as strategies that will help you talk to your spouse about the subject. Support can also be found from friends, family members, and social groups where you can pursue a hobby with like-minded people. You need to look after yourself first. When you are on a plane, you will hear the flight attendant tell you that in the case of emergency, you should secure your oxygen mask first before you can help anyone else. It can be impossible to breathe if you are constantly bowing to the pressures of looking after someone else. If you do not look after yourself first, you will eventually reach a point where you can no longer help your spouse. It sometimes helps to share your feelings with other people who are going through the same thing. You can find support groups by checking out the National Association of Mental Health website at www.nami.com.
The next step is to protect yourself and your family.
The upswings experienced by people with Bipolar Disorder are often as dangerous as the lows. For example, if your spouse engages in activities that cause them to spend a lot of money, you can try to limit their access to the family funds, or ask for separate accounts. Yes, they can get another credit card on their own, but they won’t lose the house or car with their activities. Sexual promiscuity can become an issue. If that is the case with your spouse, insist on protected sex with your partner, as this will at least ensure that you are not at risk of a sexually transmitted disease.
Next, if you deliver an ultimatum, make it one you are prepared to follow through on.
When frustration builds, it easy to throw out threats such as filing for divorce if your spouse refuses to take medication. If you do not follow through on those threats, they soon become hollow and easy for your partner to ignore. You are essentially being sucked into their mood swings, as your frustration level rises and falls with their level of behavior. While I would suggest that you try couple’s therapy before making a divorce threat, you should follow through on it if that is the point you have reached in the relationship.
Next, be careful of what you read online.
The Internet is packed full of useful information, but there is also a lot of false or misleading material on there, too. Anyone can create a blog where Bipolar Disorder is discussed, but unless they are a medical professional, their advice cannot be completely trusted, and may in fact cause more damage. It’s also worth noting that one form of medication or therapy that worked for one person may not work for another. As I mentioned at the start, your spouse may not even be suffering from Bipolar Disorder.
Finally, don’t fall victim to the mood swings.
When you have a spouse with Bipolar Disorder, you are going to see them go through periods of severe mood swings that can last minutes to months. It is important that you do not get dragged into those mood swings, so seek out the support you need in order to avoid falling into that trap.