How To Put Your Child In Time Out

There are times when kids need a time out, but getting them to stay there or actually have them go in the first place can become hard to manage. It is easy for frustration to kick in, and in those moments, you really need to remember what it is that you love about them so that their behavior at that moment does not cloud your judgement. If you feel that your frustration is about to spill over, it may be a good idea to give yourself a little time out. Make sure that your child is in a safe place, and then go to a room where you can have a moment to yourself.

While you are there, ask yourself if your child is at an age where they can even understand why they are being put in time out. If they cannot comprehend what it is they did wrong, time outs are not going to work. A 6 month old child has the mental capacity to reason right from wrong, However a 4 year old does know not to hit.

Step One – Get down to your child’s level, make eye contact, and explain what is was they did wrong, and what you would have preferred them to do in that situation.  Don’t ever bring them up to your level by holding them or sitting them somewhere they cannot reach the floor.

Step Two – If you yourself witnessed the behavior, skip directly to the next step. If not, take a moment to listen to their story. You have to decide whether you believe that story or not, but just make sure that you listen to the entire story, no matter how impossible it sounds or how much you think they are lying.

Step Three – Let them know that they are about to be put in time out, making sure to tell them how long they will be there. The general rule is one minute of time out per year. E.G. a 4 year old would be in time out for 4 minutes, a 6 year old would be in time out for 6 minutes.

Step Four – Invest in a timer. When you set it, the child will hate the device and not you.

Step Five – If they cause any sort of commotion, set the timer back to the start again. The only exception would be if they have to take a bathroom break, but even then, the timer should only be paused. Stay calm and do not react to their fussing. Silently set the timer back to the start every time they start to yell or complain. They will soon learn that poor behavior makes the time out even longer.

Step Six – When the time is up, get back down to their level again and ask them if they are ready to discuss what happened. If they say that they are not, let them know that they can remain in time out until they are politely ready to talk. When that moment comes, ask them to explain why they were in time out. If they don’t know, you can let them know, but make sure to have them repeat it back to you. Also, if they are older, ask them what things they could have done other than the behavior they displayed. If they are younger, you can give them examples of what those alternative examples are of preferred behavior.

Step Seven – Once it’s all over, given them a hug (if they want one) and forget about it. There is no need to rehash events over and over again.

If you have difficulty performing time outs, seek help from a professional. A therapist with experience working with children can help, and they may even provide in home therapy to make things even easier. When a therapist comes to your home, they can see the actual behavior unravel and can give better suggestions.  It’s kind of like how the police are more likely to catch a criminal when they were caught on tape, verses when they have to rely on peoples reports.  When a therapist can witness a child’s true environment, they might notice something you would never even have thought to mention.