My Partner and I Have Not Had Sex In Forever. What Should I Do?
Start by asking yourself some questions:
- When was the last time you were fully satisfied by sex?
If there are no satisfaction issues and you generally enjoy sex with your spouse/partner, move on to step #2. If you have been unsatisfied with sex for a while, think back to the last time it felt fulfilling. What has changed since then? Foreplay and time spent connecting are often discarded due to a lack of time. Getting all of your errands done after a hard day at work may be getting in the way of your sex life. What’s more important, errands or having a sex life that is satisfying to you and your partner? Those errands can wait, so consider making time for sex as opposed to chores and errands. You can hire someone to do the chores; you don’t want your spouse to hire someone to have sex with them.
If you are in a situation where your partner is not doing the things that satisfy your sexual needs, try having a conversation when you are not being intimate. Having that discussion during sex can sometime be viewed as criticism and hurtful.
If neither of these tips solve your problem, call me to make an appointment where you can talk about your intimacy issues.
2.When was the last time you were satisfied with the frequency of sex?
3. How often would you like to be having sex?
4. How often does your partner want to have sex?
It is not uncommon for one partner to have a higher libido than the other. You might like to have sex every day, whereas you partner is fine with once per month. The key here is to come to a compromise. Ask your partner if there is anything you can do to help them with intimacy. You may be someone who is happy with a “quickie,” while your partner prefers more foreplay and interaction. Find out if they are satisfied when you have sex, and if not, what you can do to improve the experience for them. This is a healthy conversation to have, and is one that can help you reach a compromise you are both happy with.
- Where does sex land on your list of priorities?
- Do you and your partner have fun on vacation?
- Do you routinely have more sex when you are on vacation?
Stress does not tend to be as high when you are on vacation, which means that connecting with your partner becomes more of a priority. If the opposite is true, and you end up squabbling more while on vacation, then I would suggest that it might be time for couple’s therapy.
The perception you have of your partner can affect your level of attraction, especially when you see them as a roommate or a co-parent instead of a lover. The perception is that your partner will be in the relationship for the long haul, making it easier to move them down on your list of priorities. If you want to put the sexual sizzle back in your relationship, your partner needs to become your priority. Hanging out with friends and family does not count. Think back to what it was like when you first started dating. What did you do together then? Try to make time for a weekly, or more frequent if possible, date night. This can be tough with kids, but plan on doing something fun at home after the little ones go to bed. Make a physical connection by holding hands and touching, whilst also maintaining eye contact as much as possible. You can also try out my 30 day relationship challenge to see how much of a spark you can put back into your marriage.