Do self-esteem issues lead to depression?

Written by a therapist in Long Beach.

Many people come into therapy for self-esteem issues caused by comparing themselves with everyone else in the world.  When you have this mentality for long enough and your self-esteem gets lower and lower over the years, it can lead to depression.

As a therapist, I have a very unique view of the world.  I am privileged to hear people’s inner most thoughts that they don’t usually share with the world (Often they don’t  even share them with their best friend or spouse).  I have had clients who are models who have self-esteem issues because of their looks.  I have had rich clients who are insecure with financial security. I have had clients who have self-esteem issues for things they are famous for or have won awards for.

So why do we have such self-esteem issues?

I think there are two issues.

One is that the world can be harsh, especially with the addition of social media.  Look at the social media for your favorite celebrity and most likely you will find negative comments about them.  There are “trolls” out there who enjoy putting people down.  Perhaps they have low self-esteem themselves or perhaps they are just mean people.  For whatever reason, there are always going to be people out there willing to be mean.  That being said, I truly believe that there are more people out there who are caring and kind.

The second reason is that we are taught to constantly compare ourselves with others so that we can make sure we are “keeping up with the Joneses”. When we are little and watch Sesame Street type shows, we learn “which one of these is not like the other” type skills.  With this training, we can point out the different thing/person from a very young age.  Even as a therapist, if a kid is falling behind in school, I will recommend that they look around in class to see what their peers are doing because it is a good indicator of what is expected of them.  This needs to be taken on a case-by-case basis though.  Let me explain….

You may be considered dumb in some circles and brilliant in other circles.  Don’t judge yourself for not being perfect in every single area of your life.  If I go into a group with engineers, I might feel dumb because I’m not good at math. If I am in a group of English buffs, then I might feel dumb because my grammar and vocabulary isn’t great (if you read my blog posts, you might pick up on that).  But if I go in a group of therapists, I fit right in. If you have a math problem, I might not be able to help you, but if you need someone to listen and help problem solve, then I am your person!

It’s normal to want to blend in, but when you are yourself, you are more likely to attract people who like you for you!

Let me give you an actual real-life example: Two cousins (Mario and Fred) go to the same school.  Mario is quieter and Fred is more outgoing.  They are talking to their grandmother and Mario makes fun of Fred for looking stupid because when they were in the auditorium at school, Fred danced the entire way out of the auditorium so everyone saw.  As Mario explains it, Fred is not a good dancer (which is confirmed by friends and by Fred himself).  Fred defended himself by explaining that he made 3 new friends that day.  The kids who saw Fred dancing and thought he was dumb aren’t going to approach Fred to be friends.  However, those are people Fred probably wouldn’t enjoy being around anyway.  They certainly won’t support and encourage his uniqueness. The kids who are going to see Fred as uninhibited and fun will approach him to be friends.  Those are the kids who will support Fred for who he is naturally.

My point in this story is that as long as you are YOURSELF, then the right people will gravitate towards you and the right people will weed themselves out of your life.  When you are trying to be something you are not, you will never be as good as others.  When you are BEING YOU and living YOUR truth, you will start making REAL friends and thriving at your career.

If you struggle with self-esteem and/or comparing yourself to everyone else, please call us to make an appointment so we can help you work through some of these issues that hold you back.  If you live in California and are looking for a therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.