Can marrying my high school sweetheart work?
Written by a couples therapist in Long Beach.
Can marrying my high school sweetheart work?
Different people will give you different advice on this question based on their personal experience. As a therapist, I have been trained to look at things from a more objective viewpoint rather than just my own limited personal experience.
What I have seen from my 25+ years in the therapy field is that when you marry your HS sweetheart, you both grow up, have experiences that affect who you are and you eventually mature and become different people. Your high school sweetheart becoming different could be good or bad, depending on who you have become in your experiences and maturity.
4 tips for making your relationship work:
Growing together:
It is important to continue to work on growing together as well as individually to keep that love alive for your partner’s adult self. Make sure to have a date night every week and have 20 or more minutes set aside every day where you turn off your devices and connect with each other.
Growing individually:
Do things without your partner and allow them to do things without you. This way, you can come back together and talk about experiences. If you do EVERYTHING together, there is less to share because your partner went through the same experience with you.
Don’t micromanage who they are becoming:
Allow your partner to change into who they are meant to be and cross your fingers that you still love that new person. You can obviously give feedback about your opinion, but the more you push against who they are becoming, the more you will drift apart.
Get therapy:
I have couples who come to therapy once per month (or every other month) just to check in, make sure they are connecting and taking time to feed their relationship. If you don’t take your car into the mechanic to get maintenance (oil changes, tires rotated) a couple of times per year, no one would be surprised if your car broke down. I would say to give your relationship that same (or better) maintenance to assure that your relationship lasts as long as possible.
If you live in California and are looking for a couple’s therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.