Pros and cons of going to marriage therapy

Pros:

1. Learn more effective communication skills

This is written as the first on the list because it is oftentimes the underlying issue for most other things couples come in for. Simple disagreements can add up over time and when one person doesn’t feel that they are seen by their partner, they can become unhappy in the relationship. This unhappiness can result in other issues coming up in the relationship (anger, cheating, withdrawing from relationship, etc.).

2. Resolve conflicts in a constructive manner

Many people in relationships truly feel like they are compromising. The problem tends to be that couples don’t exactly know what their partner wants and therefore the compromise may seem equal, but isn’t. A therapist can help by teaching you and your spouse skills to identify your needs, understand your partners needs and resolve conflicts.

3. Gain insight into each other’s feelings and perspectives

So many people come into therapy saying “my partner doesn’t see me” or “my partner doesn’t know me anymore” or “I don’t know how to make my partner happy”. When you have tried one method over and over again, it is most likely not going to work any better just because you continue trying to use the resolution another time. A therapist can give you different ways to look at an issue and hopefully understand what your partner is needing and then help you communicate if/how you can meet their needs.

4. Rekindle intimacy and trust

Going to therapy because of a cheating spouse is a common reason that people go to therapy. But trust can be broken in many ways and when you are hurt (or feeling blamed), it is hard to hear the other person. A therapist can help translate what your partner is saying into words you can hear so that you can start rekindling the intimacy and rebuilding the trust.

5. Develop better problem-solving techniques

If you break your arm, you are most likely going to see a doctor to help fix it. This is because you haven’t been trained on how to fix a broken arm. If you need help with your relationship, you probably don’t have the education or objectivity to see the full picture. A therapist can use their education and experience (and objectivity since they aren’t the ones in the relationship) to help you with problem solving skills.

Cons:

1. Cost of therapy sessions

If cost is an issue, consider going to therapy less often. At Long Beach Therapy, we see clients once or twice per month because they can’t afford weekly therapy. Any help is better than no help at all when it comes to relationships, so consider changing the frequency of therapy sessions to help with cost.

2. Difficulty in sharing personal issues with a stranger

It’s always been interesting to me as a therapist because so many people say that they don’t want to talk to a stranger about their issues. How I see it is that you can tell a therapist anything you want and they can’t tell anyone else. Then when you are done, you never have to see them again so you don’t have to worry about your story coming up at a party in 10 years from now (like a friend might) or worry about them using the information against you in your relationship with them because it is a purely professional relationship.

3. Time and effort needed to make progress

Most of the greatest accomplishments in life take time. We have become a society that has immediate access to almost anything. Most of us carry a mini-computer (phone) with us at all times and don’t have to wait for anything. It is important to realize that just like lowering your cholesterol or losing weight doesn’t happen overnight, either does personal growth. Although a therapist can give you tools that might give some immediate relief, most progress you make will be slow. If you are really wanting a change, it is important to remember that it will take time and commitment, but going to one therapy session is a great start (and it gets much easier after that first session when you are able to get out all of your nerves about actually going to therapy).

4. Risk of being judged by the therapist

Although therapists are trained on how to help people without judgement, it is important to find a therapist you feel comfortable with. This may mean “shopping around” for a therapist (trying a few therapists out) and going to the one you feel most comfortable with.

5. Unforeseen consequences of discussing problems with a third party

When you make changes in your life, there are going to be people who don’t like it. For example, If you are working on boundaries because you feel like everyone treats you like a doormat (and maybe your partner is one of those people), there are going to be people who don’t like you standing up for yourself. You have to decide if your happiness and healthy future is more/less important than people who walk all over you. If your happiness is important to you, then the people who don’t value your happiness may walk out of your life. That being said, there will also be people who walk into your life because they like who you are.

If you live in Long Beach and you are looking for a marriage therapist  near you, please call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.

If you live in California and are looking for a marriage therapist, we offer online therapy to clients who aren’t in our area.