How to improve self-esteem?  Here are 5 tips to help your self-esteem:

Many issues in life are created because of low self-esteem.  As a therapist, I am very privileged to hear people’s self-esteem issues because it reminds me that EVERYONE struggles with self-esteem at some point (or all points) in their lives.

It helps me as a human to remember that I am okay and that our society teaches us to judge ourselves based on comparisons we see with others.  But the fact is that most people don’t have the same privilege as I do to hear what people actually think about themselves.   It’s not to say it is a great thing that so many people lack self-esteem, but it puts it in perspective that we are all together in this journey to gain a healthy self-esteem about ourselves together.

TIPS:

1. Some people just won’t like you (or me):

Remember that no matter who you are talking about; a famous person, you, me, or Joe Shmoe; there will be people who are going to like us and there are people who aren’t going to like us. Only a small percentage of the population is going to like me.  Only a small percentage of the population is going to like you.  I have heard many celebrities talk about how they can’t read their own social media feeds because people are so negative and find things wrong with them, which can be very hurtful.    So don’t judge yourself on who doesn’t like you.  Instead, judge yourself on who DOES like you!  And no matter who you are, there are people in this world who do truly like you.  It’s just a matter of learning to notice.

2. Don’t judge yourself:

I have had PhD level clients think they aren’t smart and clients in the modeling field who think they aren’t pretty. We tend to judge ourselves no matter what reality is.  This is where going to a therapist can help to work through those issues.  Exploring where the low self-esteem issues came from is a huge step in improving self-esteem.

3. Don’t compare yourself!

Every person is “intelligent” in their own ways.  I am very good (and “intelligent”) in some ways, and not so intelligent in other ways.  I’m “intelligent” socially, such as with talking, listening and empathizing.  I’m not so intelligent when it comes to math (and a few other areas).  If I am just focused on math, I may focus on the fact that I am not intelligent.  But when I take a step back, I can appreciate that I didn’t go into the math field and it doesn’t really matter.  I chose a field that fit my “intelligence”.

4. Don’t change who you are.

Don’t change you just because certain people don’t like you. If you believe no one likes you, it could be that you are self-sabotaging and need to be more aware, but it could also be that your perception is off and that people DO like you and since you are self-critical, you have a hard time seeing that.    If these things are happening, set up a few appointments with a therapist to work on this so that you can move forward to a healthier self-esteem.

5. Just be you.

If you are in a group and you don’t think you can be yourself, it might not be you, and it could also be that you are not be with the right people.  How you know?  You look around you to see if there are people who like you for you.  If you have those, then it probably isn’t you.  If you don’t have those, you might either need to find those people in your group or find out if there is something about you that is off-putting (e.g. being defensive or selfish) so that you can work on it.

If you live in California and are looking for a therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.  We offer telehealth for people looking for therapy in California and offer in-person therapy for people who are looking for an appointment in Long Beach.