6 tips to deal with my ADHD spouse.
When your ADHD spouse continually says they will do something (like chores) and then they don’t do it, the frustration experienced by spouses of ADHD people can be build up to an unmanageable level. Often spouses feel like their ADHD spouse is a liar or lazy, which is often not the case.
Things to keep in mind:
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ADHD is a reason, not an excuse:
Attention issues make it difficult for people to remember things, but everyone has barriers in life and it is important that they figure out a way to work through it.
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Routines:
For most people with ADHD, having the same routine every day is a crucial step. Consistency in routine helps the person by remembering one less thing. For example: If I schedule my therapy appointment every Tuesday at the same time, then when I am making plans with someone, I will most likely remember that I have something on Tuesday already planned. On the other hand, if I schedule a different time/day each week, then when someone asks me if I am free, I might not remember that I have an appointment on that particular day. Another example: if I come home and put my keys in the same exact place every day, then I get in the routine of putting them in the same place and I’m less likely to lose them because I don’t have to remember where I last left them because they are always in the same place.
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Systems:
The person has to find systems to be able to remember things. For example: if they have to take the trash out to the curb every Thursday, then set a weekly alarm every Wednesday evening to remind you. Another example: if every time they make an appointment, they put it in their calendar, then they don’t have to remember every appointment, they just have to remember to constantly look at their calendar.
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Support:
Encouraging your ADHD spouse to set up an appointment for therapy to learn how to manage their ADHD can oftentimes help. The therapist can help them understand your frustrations and also help them develop techniques that can help them stay more focused and remember more things.
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Medication:
Encouraging your spouse to get evaluated for medication by a psychiatrist. Oftentimes medication works immediately so you will know if it works pretty quickly.
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Compassion:
As a spouse of an ADHD person, you must keep in mind that the ADHD person isn’t forgetting because they don’t’ care, it’s because of their attention issues. For example: You may constantly be upset at them because they don’t clean the kitchen, however if they lived alone, there is a decent chance they would have a messy kitchen and be totally okay with that. So, the reason they are cleaning the kitchen is for you, not for them.
How to get help with ADHD spouse:
If you are looking for help for ADHD in Long Beach, please call Long Beach Therapy to schedule an appointment. We have in person therapy in Long Beach for ADHD and also have online / telehealth appointments for people who don’t live near Long Beach.