Choosing Respect Over Desire: Why Being Valued Matters More Than Being Wanted
I recently read a social media post that said “”It’s not about who wants you, it’s about who values and respects you.” It really struck me because many people who come into therapy, do so because of people who are in their lives don’t VALUE them. An abusive person or someone who is simply not a good friend may WANT you to be married to them or be friends with them, but doesn’t VALUE you being there.
These are 5 signs that a friend or loved one values you:
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Active Listening:
Friends who value you actually listen to what you are saying. They generally pay attention, respond appropriately, ask appropriate questions, and don’t gaslight you when you are venting.
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Consistency in Actions:
If someone regularly makes time for you, keeps their promises, and shows up for you when you need them, there is a very good chance that they truly value their relationship/friendship with you.
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Mutual Respect:
Respect is a two-way street. A good friend will respect your opinions, decisions, and boundaries. They will also genuinely tell you when they think you might be wrong, while using kindness and compassion.
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Support During Tough Times:
It’s much easier to be there for someone when things are going well, but a true test of value is when a friend is present during the challenging times too. If someone stands by you, offers help, or simply listens during difficult moments, that is a good sign. And yes, you should be doing this for them also.
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Celebrating Your Successes:
A friend who values you will get just as excited for your successes as they do with their own successes. This means that when you have a job interview, they remember to call and wish you good luck. When you have a surgery, they send a card or reach out to you with their support.
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Trustworthiness:
Being able to trust someone isn’t always easy. Once you have built trust in your relationship, you should be able to confide in them without fearing judgment or fearing that they will turn around and gossip about your situation.
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Balance:
While relationships aren’t always exactly 50/50, there should be a balance of give and take in any relationship.
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Genuine Interest in Your Life:
A person who is worth having in your life will value your life. These friends will check up on you from time to time to ask about your day, your thoughts on current events, and your feelings about things going on in your life (and theirs).
If you struggle with making genuine friendships, think about scheduling an appointment at Long Beach Therapy so that we can teach you what to look for, how to set healthy boundaries, and how to reach out to people who will VALUE you being in their life. You can schedule a therapy appointment in Long Beach by calling/texting 562-310-9741.