Attachment styles are patterns of how we connect with others, especially in close relationships. These patterns often develop in childhood and can influence how we relate to others as adults. Let’s break down the three main types of attachment: secure, insecure, and avoidant—and look at real-life examples of each.
Secure Attachment
A person with a secure attachment feels comfortable trusting others and being vulnerable. They feel confident that their partner cares about them, and they communicate openly. The also have a belief that if someone hurts them, they will be okay.
For example, imagine Sarah and Sam. Sarah can express her feelings to Sam without fear that she will be judged, and Sam listens and reassures her. They trust each other and work through conflicts together.
Insecure Attachment
People with an insecure attachment style often fear that their partner will leave them or doesn’t love them enough. This can make them overly clingy, anxious, or constantly seeking reassurance.
For example, Lisa constantly texts her partner, Alex, and is worried that if Alex doesn’t respond right away, Alex might be upset with Lisa or that Alex is losing interest in the relationship. Lisa always anxious about their relationship, even when things are going well.
Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant attachment occurs when a person has difficulty getting close to others or trusting them fully. They may pull away emotionally or avoid deep conversations because they’re afraid of being too dependent. They tend to feel comfortable “ghosting” their friends or loved ones to avoid a commitment (like going out to dinner) or avoid a conversation about something.
For instance, Brian likes his partner but keeps them at a distance. Whenever Brian’s partner tries to talk about serious topics or their future, Brian changes the subject or avoids spending too much time together.
Understanding your attachment style can help you improve your relationships. If you find yourself in an insecure or avoidant pattern, therapy can be a great way to explore these feelings and work toward healthier connections. Please text/call us at Long Beach Therapy if you have questions about starting therapy or if you want to set up an appointment.