Does Being A Lesbian Have To Accompany Lesbian Bed Death? Tips From A Lesbian Therapist In Long Beach
Avoiding lesbian bed death? A lesbian who has a healthy and active sex life?? Is this even possible? YES!! The first step is finding a therapist you can actually talk to about your sex life and not wonder what they are thinking of your “gay lifestyle”. One way to avoid this is to find a therapist who is gay or lesbian themselves. I am a lesbian therapist in Long Beach and have found that couples do feel more comfortable talking about LBD with a gay or lesbian therapist. Here is some information and tips to help you start your journey to the healthy and active sex life you want:
As the world becomes more aware of the LGBTQ community, many of the stereotypes regarding lesbians are fading…you can spot a lesbian by their Birkenstock’s and/or flannels and jeans and driving their Subaru. These vegetarian, cat/dog loving lesbians do exist, but they do not define the whole group. The truth is that lesbians often deal with the same relationship issues as do straight couples. Trouble communicating and not enough sex in the relationship (LBD = Lesbian Bed Death). I have found (through over 20 years in this field, being married to a woman for over 15 years, and previously being the director of therapy at the Long Beach Gay and Lesbian Center) that the key to having a healthy lesbian relationship is:
(1) Don’t lose yourself in the relationship. Make sure you have time for friends and for yourself. Too often, lesbians have a codependent relationship where they have to include each other in everything they do. Often it is because the gay and lesbian community is so small that each partner shares the same circle of friends. So going out alone is weird. Think about going out as an individual with that group of friends that you both know or think about expanding your group of friends so you have someone who is YOUR friend (as an individual, not a friend of the couple). It is really hard to talk to a friend (who is also your girlfriend/wife’s friend) about your girlfriend/wife.
(2) Make sure you have time to connect. This doesn’t mean watching TV side by side or taking the kids on an outing together. Although this is a healthy part of all relationships, you need to connect by interacting together with no distractions. This means having a date night where you are talking. Plan an activity where you are interacting…such as taking a walk, giving each other a massage, and playing cards (for more ideas see “30 day relationship challenge” on the client corner page of this website).
(3) Schedule intimate times. Although for some, actually scheduling sex might be necessary due to their schedules, I am talking about scheduling time to do the things you were so excited and anxious to do when you first met. Making out, giving a massage, playing strip poker; things that often lead to sex, but definitely provide for intimacy. Often times lesbians end up being “friends without benefits” because they put their intimacy lower on their priority list than other things.
If after all of these things you are still finding it difficult to connect of feel that you need help with healthy communication or to improve your relationship, call to schedule an appointment.
If you prefer a gay friendly therapist in Long Beach, or Transgender friendly therapist in Long Beach, please call to set up an appointment. Please remember that if you are not in driving distance from my office, that I do provide Skype and facetime sessions. It is sometimes difficult to find a gay friendly therapist, so I try to accommodate my clients by providing tele-therapy (meaning skype, facetime, etc).