How gender stereotypes affect gay and lesbian relationships

In a gay or lesbian relationship, gender stereotypes can have a negative impact. Stereotypically speaking, gay men are often depicted as weak, flamboyant, or over-the-top. Lesbians, on the other hand, are portrayed as masculine, butch, or strong. Yet, what happens when those stereotypes are applied in a gay or lesbian relationship?

As an example, let’s imagine a newly out lesbian looking to get into her first relationship with a woman. She might face gender stereotypes like those mentioned above, but she might also struggle with her role in a lesbian relationship. Perhaps she is feminine and fears that women might not be as attracted to her because she is not masculine and prefers makeup and dresses instead. This pressure might cause her to doubt herself and push her to dress or act in a way that makes her uncomfortable. Maybe she saw masculine lesbians in TV shows and thinks this is the only way people will believe her when she says she is a lesbian. This situation is just one example of how gender stereotypes affect LGBTQI+ people when it comes to relationships. It is important to remember that EVERYONE is unique and have things about them that make them who they are.  By shifting who you are, you are less likely to be happy in a relationship because the person who is getting into the relationship with you is proceeding into the relationship with the wrong idea of who you are.

Now, consider a different example that does not have to do with physical appearance. In this scenario, we’ll imagine a gay man in a relationship. To add more to the story, we’ll also pretend that all of his previous relationships were with women. He took on the traditional “masculine” role while dating women. However, he is struggling in his current relationship with a man. He became accustomed to traditionally masculine traits like being logical instead of feeling his emotions. Although that is not how he wanted to act in his former relationships, he may have done so because it was a gender role he was expected to play. Unfortunately, that stereotype is taking a toll on his relationship with a man because he does not know how to handle his emotions, and trying to be logical (and thinking instead of feeling) can get in the way of good communication. As you can see, this is another example of how a stereotype can negatively affect a gay man’s relationship.

Now that we have taken a look at two examples and have a better understanding of how gender stereotypes affect LGBTQI+ relationships, let’s explore some ways to avoid this. Once we become aware of the negative impact, we can create healthier relationships. The unfortunate fact is that gender stereotypes stem from societal expectations and norms that have been around for years. It is crucial to break away from those ideals because they can be detrimental to one’s health. There is no guaranteed way to stop falling into the trap of gender stereotypes, but the first step to authenticity is learning more about yourself. Understanding what makes you happy, how you like to dress, the type of people you want to date, and learning about yourself are significant steps. Living life for no one but yourself may be difficult, but worth it in the end. After all, gender is a social construct.

If you get only one thing from this blog post, it is to BE YOURSELF.   it is unfair to yourself and your partner if you are pretending to be something you are not just to appease society.

If you live in California and are looking for a LGBTQI+ therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.