Tips On Coming Out To Your Family As Transgender, From A Trans Friendly Therapist In Long Beach

Transgender people are arguably the most misunderstood sect of the LGBTQI community. There’s an outright refusal to understand their issues by many within the LGBTQI community. Coupled with a lack of resources and visibility, coming out as transgender can be a frightening thing. Before you even consider how your family will react, you’re faced with the harrowing headlines and reports from the rest of the world. Outside of your home, the world can seem like a scary place for transgender people. When you decide to come out, you need people in your corner that will support you as you transition. You hope that your family continues to show you that level of love and understanding that you deserve. When handled delicately, coming out can be a positive experience regardless of the outcome. Let me clarify that it isn’t your job to delicately come out for the sake of anyone else. The reason I use that terminology is that my hope is that you can maintain all the love and support from people who you want to stick around in your life. Often times (even though it isn’t your job to coddle them), the more delicately you approach the coming out process, the greater chance you will have the outcome you want. This is not to say you are guaranteed these results of getting the love and support you desire and deserve, but it does somewhat increase your chances. Before reading any further, if you need support from a transgender friendly therapist, please call Long Beach Therapy at 562-310-9741.

Here are some tips:

Keep It Simple

While gender identity variations may not be new, they are new to your family. Instead of hitting them over the head with community-specific terms like genderqueer, stick to words they might have heard before (for example, most people have heard of the word “transgender”). They need to understand the general term first before they can dive into specifics about where you fall on the spectrum. Don’t overwhelm them. You want to find the balance between being open and educating.

Be Clear About Who Should Know

You’re choosing to share some very personal information with your family. But just because you’ve entrusted them with your story doesn’t mean it’s now okay with you that they mention it in conversations with everyone that they know. Be upfront about who you want to know and who you don’t want to know. Let them know that you have your own plan for telling people and you want them to respect your privacy.

Be Patient

The trans community is gaining visibility. But that doesn’t mean your coming out story will be easy for your family to digest. Don’t expect them to fully grasp what transgender means right away. Answer their questions. Explain things multiple times. If you exhibit patience, your family has more of a chance of giving that same level of patience to you.

Provide Reassurance

Many of the headlines about trans people are negative. They center around violence, discrimination, and fear. That fear is likely the only experience your family has with transgender people. They’ll be worried about you, and that worry may translate into a negative reaction. You have to reassure them that you’ll be fine and that you’ll always be the same person you’ve been. They aren’t going to lose you; you’re just being honest about who you truly are.

Come Out To Yourself

How you handle your family is important. But you have to be completely open with yourself. Make sure you process your feelings and understanding before you engage your family. It’s an extremely personal journey that shouldn’t be rushed. Don’t initiate this conversation before you’ve completely come to terms with it yourself.

Coming out as transgender doesn’t have to be a harrowing experience. When you’re talking to your family, plan a conversation that comes from a place of patience, empathy, and education. If you do this, you’ll have a better chance at a positive experience. Most importantly, have patience and empathy for YOURSELF. Coming out isn’t an easy process and you deserve love and support not only from others, but from yourself. If you are having trouble doing this, please reach out to Long Beach Therapy for support or google local LGBTQI centers to get some support. The world needs people like you. You are willing to live your truth and that is one of the most inspiring things you can do in this world.