Should I Move In With My Partner? Tips From A Couples Counselor In Long Beach

Moving in Together

You’ve been dating for a while, maybe you and your partner have both met each other’s friends and families. Now you’re considering moving in together. It sounds great, your lease is almost up, and being together all the time and splitting the bills and the chores seems perfect. However, there are some things to consider and discuss before taking the leap.
Why?
There are lots of great reasons to move in together, but it’s important that you each know what the other hopes to accomplish with this step. If one of you wants to move a step closer to marriage, while the other is looking for more of a roommate with benefits scenario, you’re headed for heartbreak. If you are moving in because you have been dating for three months and you are having to sign another year long lease to your apartment soon and don’t want to wait a whole year to move in together, be aware. Don’t move in simply because of convenience. Instead, move in together because it feels right and you both want to take the next step in your relationship.
How do you resolve conflict?
Arguments and conflict are a given in a relationship. If you and your partner have trouble with conflict, moving in is only going to make it worse. You and your partner should be able to find ways to compromise so that you both get your needs met BEFORE you move in together.
Can you work as a team?
Think about the last time disaster struck, Were you and your partner able to work together to get through it? Moving in together means dealing with crises, both large and small, on a regular basis. You will no longer have the option of going back to your own place to cool down or have time to think about it. Of course, you can always go take a walk or sit in your car, but it isn’t the same thing. Remember, a lot of what couples argue about is house stuff. Who left the dishes in the sink, forgot to take the trash out, has the TV on way too loud, goes to sleep too early/late, and drank the last of the milk? If your communication is solid before you move in, then these issues I just mentioned should be much easier and will be a mild irritant as opposed to a huge argument.
How will you split responsibilities?
This includes paying bills, household chores, grocery shopping, meal prep, and more. Who will pay for what? And who will actually write the checks? Will you have a joint account? If one of you makes more money, will that one pay more of the expenses, or will you seek to minimize expenses and divide expenses equally?
Who will be responsible for what household chores? Do you have similar standards? If one of you is a neat freak, and the other is a little more lax, you may need to compromise.
If you aren’t on the same page with your partner, it doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to live together. You may just need to spend a little more time working things out. Make sure that you aren’t compromising on something you aren’t comfortable with just to make the move-in happen. Go to a few sessions with a therapist to learn communication skills so that your relationship is solid every stop of the way. If you are looking for a therapist in Long Beach, give me a call. 562.310.9741.