Why Some People “Seem Fine” And “Act Normally” After a Traumatic Event
Not everyone will go through a major traumatic event in their life, but for those that do, there is no way to predict how they will react after the fact. Some people will show some obvious signs of stress almost from the moment that the event happens, while others will appear to return to the normal routine of their daily life as though nothing has happened. Those who fall into the latter category may laugh, attend work or school as normal, and basically slip back into their normal routine. They may appear to be fine, but the reality is that they may well be very fragile under the surface.
As an example, let’s look at someone who has been sexually assaulted, which is one of the most traumatic experiences that anyone can go through. Victims of sexual assault may never speak of what happened, either to loved ones or law enforcement, and they will simply try to carry on as though nothing has happened. Unfortunately, there are still too many people out there who will attach some level of blame to the person who was assaulted, oftentimes because of the way that person dressed or how they behaved prior to the attack. As such, women are afraid to come forward for fear that they will be judged and have people suggest that they were “asking for it.” Please know that it is NEVER EVER EVER EVER the victims fault. No matter what you were wearing, where you were walking, who you said “yes” to and changed your mind, or WHATEVER blame game you have going on. It is NOT your fault!! Please click here to see why victims blame themselves and why it is not the victims fault.
Shame, as unwarranted as it actually is, is just one of reasons why a trauma victim tries to sweep the event under the rug. Shock is another reason why people go back to their normal routine without seemingly batting an eyelid. With shock, the reality of what happened is eventually going to come crashing down on the individual involved, and the severity of that crash is never really fully known until it hits.
The person who went through the traumatic event may also be going through a period of denial. We can do a tremendous job of convincing ourselves that something bad that happened was really nothing more than a figment of the imagination. This is a flawed concept that oftentimes ends up having the same result as shock in that the person is eventually forced to face the reality of what happened because they can no longer put on a brave face.
One of the most effective ways to deal with trauma is to talk about what has happened and share how the event made you feel. This can be tough to do with a loved one, especially in cases such as sexual assault, but in the non-judgmental space that is a therapist’s office, you can open up and let all that raw emotion out. Doing so will never erase the memory of what happened, but it can certainly help you get on the path to healing and once again living a normal life. The therapist can also help you figure out who might be safe to talk to about it (meaning that they will listen and be the supportive person you need).
I have worked with clients dealing with various types of trauma for over 20 years. There are so many symptoms of trauma, that I could be in a room with 5 trauma survivors and none of them share the same symptom(s), yet they all qualify for having experienced trauma and perhaps all qualify for the diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). So please don’t compare yourself to anyone else, and don’t let anything you hear keep you from getting the support you need.