Things to Consider Before Getting Engaged. Tips From A Couples Counselor In Long Beach

After you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it’s natural to start considering marriage. Improve your chances of marital success by talking through the following questions honestly.
How do your families handle conflict?
Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. Just because you’ve been able to resolve disagreements easily as a dating couple, marriage tends to amplify unhealthy patterns learned in childhood. If your family (or your partner’s family) tends to get loud or shut down, it can be easy to slip into these patterns.
Children
This isn’t as simple as agreeing on whether to have children. Talk about how many children you want, when you want them, and how you each envision your roles as parents. You’ll also want to make sure you’re on the same page regarding discipline, education, religion, and other matters that are important to you.
Religious/Spiritual beliefs
You don’t have to follow the same religion as your partner, or place the same importance on your beliefs, but it is important to understand where your partner stands and develop an understanding regarding religious observances. Will you attend the same religious services? Celebrate the same holidays? Even if you both belong to the same religion, you may have grown up with different traditions. Are you okay if you are Atheist and your partner is religious? Are you okay if you are religious and your partner is Atheist?
Finances
This issue covers a lot of ground. Do either of you have outstanding debt? How much are you willing to spend on rent, car, furniture, etc? Will you have a joint account, separate accounts, or both? What are your financial goals? How much discretionary spending are you each comfortable with?
Time apart
Are you each comfortable engaging in separate activities or spending time with your individual friends? Some people are content to merge all areas of their lives when they marry, while others may prefer to keep some parts of their lives separate.
Flirting and porn
Where do you stand on these things? Are you going to be jealous if your partner flirts with someone else, or watches porn? Are you willing to stop these things if your partner is uncomfortable with them?
Counseling
What are your views on counseling? If you are struggling are both of you willing to get help together? Is premarital counseling something that both of you want in order to strengthen the foundation of your relationship? Often times a therapist has a list of questions for you to go over and then come to therapy and talk about. This gives you an opportunity to learn communication skills that work for the other person meanwhile getting to know each other. Remember, just because you are master communicator among your friends, it does not mean that your communication style will work with your partner.