How to avoid bringing work stress in to your marriage
If working was such a pleasant experience, there wouldn’t be quite so many jokes about just how awful Monday mornings are. If you had a job you loved that had no stress, you probably wouldn’t be reading this blog post. The harsh reality is that people need to work in order to make the money they need to survive, as well as to feel as though they have some sort of purpose in life. The other reality here is that work delivers stress levels that can be hard to shake after you have clocked out for the day. What that means is that work stress is often brought home and introduced into the marriage, which is something that can eventually lead to serious relationship issues.
Note about stress: When we talk to people, we tend to not keep constant eye contact the entire conversation (imagine if someone stared at you the entire time you talked to them without looking away). We tend to look around when we talk. When we look around we are storing information in things. That’s why if you go visit your childhood home, you will be more likely to remember things about your childhood that you might not have thought about before. If you are talking about work at home, and are glancing at your couch or your bed…guess what gets triggered the next time you are about to have sex with your partner on your couch or bed?
The first step in not taking that stress home is to find some time to unwind and relax a little before you get in the house. If you live close to work, consider walking home, taking a scenic route through a park, if possible. Fresh air can help clear your head and help you to de-stress. You might also consider paying a visit to your local gym right after work. You might feel tired at the end of a work day, but it’s amazing how quickly you feel energized and better about yourself after a brisk period of exercise. If you have a long drive home in traffic, think about a book on tape, calling your friends on the way home, or perhaps having a music playlist that goes from louder/intense music to more calming/relaxing music.
Stress often comes from constantly thinking about all the negative aspects of your job, but if you look at what you do, I would imagine that you can find plenty of positives (if not, it might be time for a career change). If one particular project at work is bringing you down and causing you grief, try not to focus on it all the time. Try thinking about all the positive work you have done in the past, or the things you will be doing with the money you earned in the day. If you have a solid track record of doing great work, chances are that the thing stressing you out now will turn out just as well as everything you have done before. Also consider that you can either go through everything at work and think of the positives or you can go through everything at work and think only of the negatives. Either way, you will be going through everything at work, so ultimately choosing to be positive or negative about what YOU want to focus on.
It’s always a good idea, even if you are not stressed at work, to create pockets of quality time where it is all about you and your partner When you get home, work talk should be completely shelved in favor of just working on your relationship and all the things that make you both happy to be together. This is not to suggest that you should bottle up that stress and not let your partner know what is going on at work but have a scheduled time and a place for those conversations so your partner isn’t ambushed.
If you are in a position where you are relatively free from work stress, but your partner is not, pay attention to their needs and do what you can to ease their burden. By all means take time to listen their problems, allowing them to decompress, but also try to steer them away from the stress and into something more relaxing and comfortable (offer them a massage, have dinner ready, etc). Home should be a happy place free from as much stress as possible, and if you work together as a couple, you can make it just that.
If these suggestions don’t seem to help, consider reaching out a therapist who can help you to create healthier routines and healthy outlets for your stress.