Should I Say Yes to a Marriage Proposal from My Partner? Written By A Couples Therapist in Long Beach.
Life is filled with important decisions that will ultimately have either a negative or positive impact on your overall happiness. While some look at their education or career as the most important decisions they will need to make, for many, getting married is at the top of the list. If you are currently in a relationship, the idea of marriage may have already crossed your mind, but do you know what you would say if your partner proposed today? You might believe that the answer to that question is a definite “Yes” or “No,” but there are a lot of things to consider before you decide.
Take a moment, right now, and imagine what life would be like without your partner in it. Does the idea of them being out of your life scare you a little, or does it cause you to breathe a little sigh of relief? If it’s the latter, then perhaps this is not the person you should be saying yes to. This is particularly true of you have been together for quite some time. If you have been a couple for many years and the subject of marriage has never been broached, it might suggest it’s something that neither of you really wants.
There can be no denying that your life changes dramatically the moment that you say, “I Do.” You are going to face issues and conflict quite regularly, which begs the question as to how well you and your partner work together as a couple. It’s important to focus on working as a team when you are married, and you will find that problems will quickly arise if your partner constantly avoids issues or deflects them on to you. You need and deserve a partner who will work through issues with you when they arise. Is that the person you are with now?
Another question that you need to ask yourself is why you want to get married. Is it because your partner is a committed person who has your best interests at heart, or is it because you are of a certain age and society dictates that you should be married by now? Perhaps you are just scared about being single again and going through the drama which that can entail. Are you getting married because you love your partner, or are you just settling for a relationship that is comfortable more than it is passionate?
There is no perfect relationship, but the best kinds of relationships are the ones where you can be yourself without fear of being judged by your partner. If that is something that you have right now, then marriage may be right. That being said, people can change when they get married, as they feel a greater sense of responsibility that they did before, which might mean that they demand things of you that they did not in the past. It’s important that you talk to your partner about what will happen after marriage before you decide to jump right in. Putting off that conversation may mean having the talk when it’s too late to save the relationship.
You may also consider setting up 3-4 premarital counseling sessions. The therapist can walk you through a list of questions to compare you and your partner’s expectations and then they can help you with communication skills to see if the differences can be resolved. This communication training can be so beneficial throughout your marriage. Consider starting it out right!
If you are looking for premarital counseling in Long Beach, give me a call at 562-310-9741.