How to pick the right therapist.

Written by a licensed therapist in Long Beach.

As a therapist, I am privileged to be invited into someone’s energy / experience as they allow themselves to be more honest and genuine than they would ever feel safe doing so in any other part of their life.  They do this in the hopes of becoming better, happier, and more complete human beings.  That is an amazing energy to be around that I cannot really describe in words.  Any time I get discouraged by things happening in the world (or just watching the news), I can look at my clients who are working hard and striving to be their best selves.  It gives me hope in the world. Who is lucky enough to get to see that even once or twice in their life?  Raw honesty and vulnerability in an attempt to become a better person.  I get to witness that energy every single day that I work with clients.  It is the most amazing thing to be a witness to and it is an honor that people choose me and trust me to be THAT person to be vulnerable with.  They inspire me every single day.

When a therapist has done work on themselves and has put into action their own training and advice into their own life, they are able to give their clients unconditional positive regard.  They are able to not judge their clients because they see those clients recognizing their own faults and wanting to change those things about themselves and as a therapist, I have respect and admiration for every single person who comes into my office.  What they are trying to do isn’t easy (fully trusting another human being with their inner most thoughts).  When a client feels that respect and admiration from their therapist, they are more likely to open up completely so that the therapist can see everything.  All the puzzle pieces are shown to the therapist.  That is when a therapist can more effectively guide a client to their goals.  If a client doesn’t feel that from their therapist and that client feels judged in any way, the client doesn’t fully open up.  Maybe they open up 80% and so then the therapist only sees 80% of the puzzle and has to do much more guessing as to where the pieces should go.  This causes therapy to take longer.  If you don’t feel comfortable with your therapist, first talk to them. Find out what is holding you back.  Find out if there is something they can do different to make you feel more comfortable.  If you still feel uncomfortable, try out a few other therapists.  If you don’t find a better fit, then stick with your current therapist.  If you find someone you feel like you can open up with a little more, then stick with them (as long as they have the experience and training to help you).  It doesn’t mean that your current therapist is bad or is judging anyone, it just means that YOU don’t feel completely comfortable opening up with that particular person for some reason.  You are in therapy for you, so make sure YOU are comfortable (well, as comfortable as someone can be when they are trying to be THAT vulnerable).

The two most important things to look for in a therapist are: (1) Are they experienced / specialized in YOUR issue and (2) Do you feel comfortable with them?  There are certain types of therapy that focus on skill building (such as DBT therapy) in which you feeling comfortable with the therapist doesn’t matter as much because they are teaching you something.  You don’t have to like a teacher for them to be good at teaching you.  However, in most situations in therapy, it does matter.  Most therapy works as a collaborative effort between the therapist and the client to figure out the issue.   Think of it as a puzzle that you can’t quite figure out by yourself.  The more of the pieces you give the therapist, the more likely they will be able to help you.  If you feel 80% comfortable with them, you might only share 80% of the information and hide that 20% you might be ashamed or embarrassed about.  In this situation, the therapist is guessing about that other 20% might be.   If you feel super comfortable with your therapist, you will be more likely to share 90-100% of the puzzle pieces and the more likely they will be to help you figure it out.