How to Stay in Love When You Don’t Like Your Spouse.

Written by a couples therapist in Long Beach.

If you are serious about marriage, as you should be, you need to be able to hang in there through the good and the bad. After all, those are part of the vows that most people make on their wedding day. No matter how much you love your spouse, it is impossible to always see eye to eye on every single thing. It is also impossible to go through a life together without one of you doing something that annoys the other. It may not be something that other married people tell you, but there are going to be times when you just don’t like your spouse, but it’s how you get through that period that is important.

When people get divorced and think back on their relationship, they often realize that they stopped liking their partner before they stopped loving them. Little things that you found annoying suddenly become tougher to put up with on a daily basis, and this usually happens when you allow that annoyance to build without ever having said anything. It is a lack of communication that is the killer in an alarming number of marriages, which is why that is the first thing you need to think about when you are having a day or a week when you don’t like your spouse.

Being part of a successful relationship means sharing the good and the bad. It can be tough to tell your partner that they have done something you didn’t like but making them aware of the issue means being able to work on correcting it. When you do bring up the issue that is becoming a problem for you and causing you not to like your partner, it is important that you do so coolly and calmly. You are not looking to get into a fight, you are looking to have an adult conversation.

One way to stay calm when you are having this talk, or when you don’t like your spouse, it to think of all the good things that they do that you love and appreciate. Perhaps they are a great provider, or maybe they continually play the role of a committed and supportive parent, or perhaps it’s just how they love and respect you 99% of the time. Think about the positives first and mention those positives to them before you bring up what you don’t like, and you will find it easier to broach a negative subject in a way that is calm and loving.

If the problems persist and you find that you beginning to not like your partner for longer and longer stretches of time, it may be a sign of a bigger issue. This is when you really need some outside professional help.  A marriage counselor can help you and your spouse get your relationship back on track before it becomes too broken to mend. It is natural to have times when you don’t like your spouse, but when that feeling becomes the norm, it’s time to take action.

If you are looking for a marriage counselor in Long Beach, please give me a call at 562-310-9741.