How Do I Convince My Partner That We Need Couples Therapy?
There are all kinds of different reasons why some people do not want to go to therapy. The most common excuses are stubbornness, an unwillingness to share their feelings, not wanting to admit there is a problem, and not wanting to pay to have a problem fixed that they believe they can attend to themselves.
Trying to trick your partner into a therapy session is a technique that is likely to backfire, as it will immediately lower their trust level. The best way to approach the situation is to let them know how much it would mean to you if they attended. Make them aware that while they believe everything is fine, or that things cannot be fixed, you feel differently. Make it clear how much you want the relationship to work. A partner who is truly committed to the relationship will often do things that make them feel uncomfortable in order to make their partner happy. You could put a cap on the number of sessions that you expect them to attend, whilst also asking that the relationship and progress be assessed once that limit has been met. Knowing that they do not have to commit to long-term couple’s therapy may just be enough to get them to go in the first place. If, after a few sessions, they see progress being made, they are more likely to be willing to commit to more.
In order to make your partner as comfortable as possible, ask them to help choose the therapist, and consider trying in-house therapy, as they may feel better about seeing the therapist at home and not having to go to a clinical setting, such as a therapy office. Some professionals have videos on their website which allow you to get a sense of their approach and style, or simply get a sense of who they are.. Keep in mind that if your partner refuses to go along with couple’s therapy, it doesn’t mean that you cannot seek out help on your own. You can get the process started and start learning the skills required to get your relationship back on track. Once your partner sees the progress that you are making, he or she may have second thoughts about their decision not to attend.