How to rekindle passion in my relationship?
Written by a couples therapist in Long Beach.
Most relationships start out with the fires of passion burning red hot, but over time, those flames will die if they are not fanned on a regular basis. One of the most common reasons why people seek out couple’s therapy is because the passion has gone out of the relationship. This seldom has anything to do with a dislike of one another, and is usually a circumstance of other things – work, children, etc. – becoming more important. The truth of the matter is that there are few things as important as passion in a relationship, which is why those fires need to be stoked in order for it to burn brightly once more.
As a therapist, I commonly hear phrases like, “I am not happy in my relationship” spoken by one or both people involved in the union. This is a phrase that is incredibly easy to say, yet the people in question are seldom able to tell you what they are doing to remedy the problem. There seems to be this idea that relationships are naturally supposed to burn out, and that all feelings of passion and romance naturally wane. It is this belief that makes drifting apart seem somehow okay when it really isn’t.
The fact that people seek out professional help at couple’s therapy is a sure sign that they are not ready for the fires to be totally snuffed out. Couples spend so much time focusing on the other elements of their lives that they forget what it was that brought them together in the first place. What people have to learned is that their relationship is as important, if not more so, that the other things that they have put ahead of it. Unhappiness in a union often spills out into other areas of life, making for a miserable experience in those things that once felt wonderful.
I am not going to say that this is a problem that is easily fixed, and it will likely take a many sessions to get to the heart of the issue, but it is a relationship complaint that can be dealt with. It all begins by getting the couple to remember what it was that brought them together to begin with. You then have to figure out what it was that you were doing back then that is no longer being done today. Romance and passion can be rekindled, and it all begins by taking a trip back to the very beginning of the relationship.
There is no one thing that works for every couple in this regard. While one person may respond well to gifts, others may prefer the gift of time and togetherness. The key here is to rediscover what it is that makes your partner tick when it comes to romance and passion. Once that key has been found, you can then unlock the doors of passion that have been keeping you both apart. If your schedule is busy, look for a therapist who does house calls or online therapy, as they can bring their expertise to you when you need it most.
If you live in California and are looking for a couple’s therapist, please give us a call at Long Beach Therapy: 562-310-9741.